3 WEEKS IN

I watch old shows more than new ones for reasons too many to waste time sharing.  One of the "teasers" for Monk shows him cutting off bread edges (as I also prefer) and throwing them and the bread too into the trash.  Natalie asks, "What's wrong with those?"  Monk replies, "They're not snuff.  Got to be up to snuff!"  He keeps cutting and throwing away slice after slice.

I began a new year of life 3 weeks ago and that's how I feel, "just not quite up to snuff."  I want to be SNUFF!  I want my 75th year and every year after to be more than it's or I have ever been before.  

I do not want to feel less energetic, no, rather much more vigorous as if I could run a 5K.  I don't want to succumb to something silly as Pinkeye and have to stay home for days, no, I want to feel healthy,  vibrant and blossoming like the beautiful blooms all around.

Most of all, I want to wake up, jump out of bed and begin whatever great task I have to do and accomplish it well or more than that, fantastically.  So far these days, I've been waking up wanting to turn back over and go back to sleep.  No No No.  This just can't go on.  No matter what, this has to stop!

I don't do being "ill" well.  In fact I am miserable at it and in it.  I was trying very hard to be totally surrendered and accepting of the Lord's will over mine.  I kept reminding myself that if He were to decide to ask illness or bed-ridden of me that I would be faithful and obedient and could still do - at least I hope He would allow me - my most favorite thing - PRAY!  Dear Lord, please, if you were to decide that for my years left then do at least let me continue to be a person of prayer.  People could let me know what to pray and I could stay busy doing that each day.

But I am over the Pinkeye and I am starting to feel better so the hard part is to get busy and figure out just what He wants me to do and what I should choose to do to fill my time and fulfill my purpose and continue to do His will and be His servant and live it all to the fullest - SNUFF!

Yep - I have to measure up to being SNUFF!

How Worldly Am I?

In my devotions Sunday it talked about when Jesus tells His Apostles He is leaving but not to be sad because they will see Him again.  Of course for them it meant He was going to rise from the dead and they saw Him again in a few days.  For us it means we have waited over 2000 years and He still has not come back, but we have Him with us in the Holy Spirit's indwelling so we should be joyful.

I was thinking about if He were to come this very minute and everything of my life and this world were to be over and His new earth begun.  To be absolutely honest - do I really want to say goodbye this very minute to my family, my life, my things I enjoy doing or eating or looking forward to?

I'm happy He didn't come on Friday and we got to take a delightful and well planned trip to Chattanooga, Tennessee.  We wanted to celebrate our 75th, 50th and 20th milestone birthdays together while we were together.  Karissa was in Japan and I in West Virginia when MG had her 50th in June and Karissa will be back at Princeton when she celebrates her 20th on September 22nd.  We had a marvelous time - all we could have hoped for and much more.

I'm glad I got to be alive for another eclipse and one sort of amazing since it was ONLY crossing the USA.  I enjoyed a chocolate covered HOT Krispy Kreme donut that they featured special for today and my cute granddaughter waited in line to get a dozen.

I want to be ready to die at any moment.  I want the Dear Lord to believe I do consider this a foreign land and my real home is being built up there with Him and waiting for me to come.  I hope all my loved ones will be going with me so I won't have to miss anyone ever again.  I want to be joyful in all types of tribulation, suffering and pain that my loved ones are experiencing believing that this is nothing compared to the GLORY that awaits us all.  I want to think of our lives as James told us but a "vapor" meaning no longer than the breath I just took.

But I must confess I am not always in that frame of mind.  I am not always that ready to let go of any of it and definitely not this very minute.  Obviously I must keep praying and working hard at becoming more spiritually minded.  Yes, I must and I should pray that I start NOW.  Maybe we should pray for each other.  God bless.

ANOTHER BIRTHDAY

The first day of the rest of my life - UGH - YIPPEE YEA - ugh... I know "it's better than the alternative!"  Still - I consider my birth years like the New Year - a chance to start again but at what that's my problem.  Start what?   Accomplish what?  I want to write two books that continue to sit unwritten in folders of notes and attempts and and and...

I want to finish a scrapbook of my life and the girls that sits on many shelves in many not done yet scrapbook albums with boxes of pictures here and there and heaven knows where.

There is the stamp album of 40 years that I know my kids don't want or care about, so maybe I could make a few dollars for fun money.  Then I think of getting to the box or trying to evaluate it all with catalog values or the really hard part of finding a stamp collector that still exists, who would want to buy it. Seems impossible, so needless to say that has been put off for years not months.

I do have a very blessed and abundant daily life and it never ceases to make me happy.  Went to a church meeting tonight and when someone mentioned it was my birthday, Pastor ended the meeting with everyone singing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me.  

I do want to make the remaining years the Lord has in store for me to be totally surrendered and used up by Him and Him alone and His work and His will and His plan for me NOT MY OWN.  

So in saying that then I must end with saying this - Dear Lord help me to be obedient, available, open and listening for your still quiet voice.  Simply said - Dear Lord HELP ME! Amen.

SO BORING

My dear friend commiserated lately that after 54 years of marriage having to fix one more dinner is just so boring.  It made me think about the things that I now am just too tired to care.  Still having to do it for  74 years-same old same old.  Well, it may seem funny,  but mine is brushing my teeth.

My dear mother was very careful to make sure we saw the dentist every six months and brushed every morning and night and so it goes.  Now I walk up to my sink and just stand there wishing I didn't have to do it again.

I'm better about flossing because I never did that until I moved in with my Mom at 48 and saw this 80 year old lady so faithful to floss her teeth every night.  I thought if she could have that habit then there is absolutely no excuse for me not to.  And so I began and so I do but that isn't boring yet because it hasn't been as many years.

I may have mentioned this one before, but my other annoyance is the end of a day.  I sit there in the midst of whatever I am doing or trying to finish and the clock strikes 11PM and I know it is really past time for me to be in bed.  Not only that, but I will still have to go into the kitchen and make sure the dishes are in the dishwasher and the counters and sink are clean.  Then I go to bed, have my evening devotions and sure enough the clock has already struck midnight and then some.  It is just so bothersome.  I haven't finished my day at all.  I just hate it.

Oh well, at least we get to wake up to a new day every morning.  That's a great gift and I truly am always grateful to my Dear Lord for granting it.  So off I go - can't wait to see what's in store and what new thing I will learn today.