A very short time before my dear Mama passed away, she asked me to read a phrase in one of her prayers. She began her day ended her days on her knees by her bedside until she died at 88. The phrase stated something like "when you have finished the work you were meant to do, then I will bring you home and you will have sweet rest."
"Annalou", she asked, what do you think I am supposed to do, since He has not let me go yet?"
Needless to say, I hadn't a clue. "Well, Mama, you have been a very successful wife, mother, friend, thespian, leader in your own circle of influence - all of these things. And at 88, I don't know that there is much else you were 'meant to do' that you haven't done."
"Then why hasn't He taken me home?" Of course, to that I could honestly say "maybe because He knows your children are not ready to be here without you."
But I am going through the same sort of thinking lately. I just have a sense of what should I really be doing every day? And I have always wanted to have found something that defined me and could have earned a living for me that would not have left me destitute in these twilight years. I did not finish college because I foolishly thought at the time, "I don't know what I want to do, but I know I do NOT want to teach." Years later, after I became a Born Again Christian, I began teaching Sunday School classes to 6th grade girls and as I became more of a student of the Word, Bible Studies to the adult ladies and found that the gift God had given me was teaching. I also have been writing ever since my elementary school days and know that I am also a gifted writer by His perfect design. Yet I never got published enough to really claim that for myself and since I did not finish college when the time came and as a single parent I had to work forever I was already in a secretarial mode and so it goes.
Since I am still having to work - I am still wishing writing would earn enough - it doesn't - not enough writing - but I am going to pursue more - still that doesn't actually answer my restlessness or convince me that I have happened upon the real purpose our Sovereign God, who as Ephesians 2:10 states: "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto goodworks, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them."
And if it is meant to be more writing then I am really needing a miracle of a new and equipped computer since this one is slowly dying and it is God's most mercifully, lovingkindness that keeps reviving it for me so that I can continue to do what needs to be done.
But I will pray pray pray and possibly fast fast fast in hopes the Dear Lord will reveal all to me and I will have a sense of knowing as I now hope and pray and trust at the end of each day, I am doing exactly what I am supposed to do and that He is pleased with and in it all.
Saturday, July 11, 2015
Sunday, June 14, 2015
OBSOLETE
Climbing up into my "truck" an old Dodge Durango a church member donated to the church and they graciously gave to me. It has no AC/Heat, needed new tires immediately, sometime does not get into gear right away so am so grateful for people behind who don't rear end me, but the Lord has let it get me where I need to go and helped us out when we needed a car for one reason or another because we are a three car household with only two cars. I thank the Lord for giving it, letting it start, letting me get where I am going and not letting anyone get hurt inside or out every time I get in it. So far so good.
Anyway - it is a 1999 car so not exactly obsolete but close - but it wasn't that which made me think of obsolete it was my cassette player that the Lord made sure was in it when I got it since I am still listening to cassettes and watching VHS video movies hoping the dual player will continue to work and thanking Walmart for selling the CD/Cassette boombox still.
Living with my 17 year old granddaughter I am well aware of those things that are "obsolete" or even no even known by her generation. We have discussions that really bring "obsolete" home to me in the different way the young people think these days. So much of my values and my considerations of life and let's not even begin to go to memory lane - well to her - it is defintely obsolete. Webster's Dictionary (even that could be considered obsolete - well at least the old one we never lived without and always had handy on the shelf - never out of reach - says obsolete means "no longer used because something newer exists : replaced by something newer : no longer used by anyone".
Really I am tearing up to think of so many wonderful things and experiences of my past that my dear grand angel would consider OBSOLETE. A pay phone - I was wanting one just the other day to call one of these funny "money" letters I get all the time just to see what they might actually say. I am too paranoid to use my cell phone for fear they may be able to find out who I actually am or whatever they may want to know about me - but if I called from a pay phone what would they know from the number - NOTHING - sits at corner of or out in front of Walmart - well I wish there was a pay phone anywhere at all. So far haven't found one yet - obsolete.
Three young but very smart people on Jeopardy - who seem to know a bunch of stuff - were shown a picture of Gregory Peck and hadn't a clue who it was. I was trying to explain that we had an even better experience than an IMAX theatre with what began as Todd-AO which then became Panavision 70. I was trying to help her visualize how we literally were in the midst of the chariots as they came rushing around corners in Ben Hur and almost were as afraid as the Israelites as the Red Sea water rose up on each side as we slowly walked across. Both by daughter and my granddaughter refuse to believe that it could have been any better than IMAX. I am really wondering why that had to become OBSOLETE when they turn right around make something not quite as spectacular.
There are so many this could go on forever and already has - so am not even going to go to my feelings about us "old" folks. I mean we can never be "replaced" per se. It will never be that sad, but the most moving article I ever read on old age was about how we are "invisible" and if - like me - I did turn a few heads in my younger days - it is very noticeable that I certainly don't anymore. I do want to say and applaud those young people or any age people who do notice or still have that chivalrous (bet that word is obsolete to many young people too) spirit and they will open a door or offer to lean down and pick something up for me. I truly do appreciate it, but in an over all view, and for all those who sit alone in their assisted living homes, we truly can be invisible but hopefully we will never be OBSOLETE!
Anyway - it is a 1999 car so not exactly obsolete but close - but it wasn't that which made me think of obsolete it was my cassette player that the Lord made sure was in it when I got it since I am still listening to cassettes and watching VHS video movies hoping the dual player will continue to work and thanking Walmart for selling the CD/Cassette boombox still.
Living with my 17 year old granddaughter I am well aware of those things that are "obsolete" or even no even known by her generation. We have discussions that really bring "obsolete" home to me in the different way the young people think these days. So much of my values and my considerations of life and let's not even begin to go to memory lane - well to her - it is defintely obsolete. Webster's Dictionary (even that could be considered obsolete - well at least the old one we never lived without and always had handy on the shelf - never out of reach - says obsolete means "no longer used because something newer exists : replaced by something newer : no longer used by anyone".
Really I am tearing up to think of so many wonderful things and experiences of my past that my dear grand angel would consider OBSOLETE. A pay phone - I was wanting one just the other day to call one of these funny "money" letters I get all the time just to see what they might actually say. I am too paranoid to use my cell phone for fear they may be able to find out who I actually am or whatever they may want to know about me - but if I called from a pay phone what would they know from the number - NOTHING - sits at corner of or out in front of Walmart - well I wish there was a pay phone anywhere at all. So far haven't found one yet - obsolete.
Three young but very smart people on Jeopardy - who seem to know a bunch of stuff - were shown a picture of Gregory Peck and hadn't a clue who it was. I was trying to explain that we had an even better experience than an IMAX theatre with what began as Todd-AO which then became Panavision 70. I was trying to help her visualize how we literally were in the midst of the chariots as they came rushing around corners in Ben Hur and almost were as afraid as the Israelites as the Red Sea water rose up on each side as we slowly walked across. Both by daughter and my granddaughter refuse to believe that it could have been any better than IMAX. I am really wondering why that had to become OBSOLETE when they turn right around make something not quite as spectacular.
There are so many this could go on forever and already has - so am not even going to go to my feelings about us "old" folks. I mean we can never be "replaced" per se. It will never be that sad, but the most moving article I ever read on old age was about how we are "invisible" and if - like me - I did turn a few heads in my younger days - it is very noticeable that I certainly don't anymore. I do want to say and applaud those young people or any age people who do notice or still have that chivalrous (bet that word is obsolete to many young people too) spirit and they will open a door or offer to lean down and pick something up for me. I truly do appreciate it, but in an over all view, and for all those who sit alone in their assisted living homes, we truly can be invisible but hopefully we will never be OBSOLETE!
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
FAITH and HOPE
I want to always pray believing because scripture mentions so many times that the Lord, Jesus, said "your faith has made you well." The woman believed He could heal her by only touching His hem. She was right - immediately He felt her and turned to tell her she was healed after 18 years and spending all her resources in ways that had not worked, Finally she sought the one true source of all hope and healing. Another woman being a gentile still sought out Jesus and begged Him to cast a demon out of her daughter, but He put her off by telling her he would tend to his own first saying "...in is not good to take the childrens' bread and throw it to the dogs." But her hope and faith in Christ was too strong to be discouraged and she replied, "Yes, Lord, but even the dogs under his table will feed on the childrens' crumbs." His reply was to compliment her answer which was her invincible faith and hope to see her daughter well again. And so it was.
This is how I pray - always - at least I try - always to pray BELIEVING it is answered and it is done. The hard part for me, of course, is agreeing to let it be God's will and God's answer and if that is not always the same as I wish it to be - then to still rejoice and accept no matter what. Still I begin by praying exactly what my need or desire of my heart may be and in FAITH and HOPE eternal I look for the answer each and every day.
My debt situation is not gone - the life I want to have for my twilight years which are well upon me are not quite as I imagined - but with regard to very specific prayers and ones I pray continually God is very faithful and gracious and merciful and forgiving and wonderful to answer perfectly.
I am moved to pray not for any of the debt nonsense to go away as much as I am praying for it not to be my every waking thought.
This is the prayer He is truly answering. I really am not worried, anxious or even thinking about any of it at all. I do consider the bills at hand for the month, but must do that in order to be sure to pay them.
The time I enjoy most in my day is to be reading His Living Word or a Christian Life based book for growth or to make a card for a friend or to be talking to sisters in the Lord to encourage and to enjoy my latest Bible Study which is really a great one. Life is truly a joy and my life is richly blessed. I must always be most grateful to the Lord's lovingkindness in every second of every day.
This is how I pray - always - at least I try - always to pray BELIEVING it is answered and it is done. The hard part for me, of course, is agreeing to let it be God's will and God's answer and if that is not always the same as I wish it to be - then to still rejoice and accept no matter what. Still I begin by praying exactly what my need or desire of my heart may be and in FAITH and HOPE eternal I look for the answer each and every day.
My debt situation is not gone - the life I want to have for my twilight years which are well upon me are not quite as I imagined - but with regard to very specific prayers and ones I pray continually God is very faithful and gracious and merciful and forgiving and wonderful to answer perfectly.
I am moved to pray not for any of the debt nonsense to go away as much as I am praying for it not to be my every waking thought.
This is the prayer He is truly answering. I really am not worried, anxious or even thinking about any of it at all. I do consider the bills at hand for the month, but must do that in order to be sure to pay them.
The time I enjoy most in my day is to be reading His Living Word or a Christian Life based book for growth or to make a card for a friend or to be talking to sisters in the Lord to encourage and to enjoy my latest Bible Study which is really a great one. Life is truly a joy and my life is richly blessed. I must always be most grateful to the Lord's lovingkindness in every second of every day.
Thursday, June 4, 2015
Pondering Completed
When I got to church last night I did not see anyone anywhere praying - and was about to leave but wrote a note to Pastor to let him know I had come. So ponder no more - it is my pride and I do want recognition. I did remember his mentioning that we might walk the basement to pray about its reconstruction project so I decided to go downstairs and see if I heard anyone. Sure enough they were there and Pastor of course greeted me with a hug. Prayer time was as wonderfully great and a blessing as always. I also got to retrieve my note and throw it away.
I consider it not such a good thing to want men's recognition, but I also want to know and do believe that the Lord can look through as He says He does to our true heart's desire and real position on it. So I am going to trust that the gift of intercession and my TRUE TRUE desire to pray all the time and for as many loved ones and far away never even to know sisters and brothers in the Lord is a genuine gift of God and not one that He will ever take away in spite of my bouts with pride or fleshly considerations in it.
He prayed all the time for all He needed and He taught us to pray for all the right things: His kingdom come, His will be done, our daily bread, to be forgiven and to be able to forgive others, to protect us from temptation and from anything the devil plans to do to destroy, deceive or distract us in every day.
Paul prayed beautifully in all his epistles, James and Peter too. As a catholic when I was years ago, I loved St.,Theresa, the Little Flower, who was famous as the prayer intercessor for missionaries all over the world while she remained in her cloister in a little corner of Europe. I often think of my aspirations to emulate her as a major part of prayer being such a major event in my Born Again life.
Never doubt the need for prayer and the need for FAITH when you pray and if you know that you are doing both - PRAYING BELIEVING - then never doubt the Lord has answered whether you know it, see it, feel it or whether anything changes or not. My debt seems to be going on forever, but still my heart and peace within say that God has always been answering my prayer about it as HE wills not as I do. I trust Him completely in this and for every other prayer I utter for every other person and thing and I always will.
God bless anyone who may read this and know I have said a prayer for you today. God bless you and protect you and grant you whatever your heart's need and help for whatever life's burden may be and may you know He is holding you close in His embrace - so close His heart is beating in rythym with your own.
I consider it not such a good thing to want men's recognition, but I also want to know and do believe that the Lord can look through as He says He does to our true heart's desire and real position on it. So I am going to trust that the gift of intercession and my TRUE TRUE desire to pray all the time and for as many loved ones and far away never even to know sisters and brothers in the Lord is a genuine gift of God and not one that He will ever take away in spite of my bouts with pride or fleshly considerations in it.
He prayed all the time for all He needed and He taught us to pray for all the right things: His kingdom come, His will be done, our daily bread, to be forgiven and to be able to forgive others, to protect us from temptation and from anything the devil plans to do to destroy, deceive or distract us in every day.
Paul prayed beautifully in all his epistles, James and Peter too. As a catholic when I was years ago, I loved St.,Theresa, the Little Flower, who was famous as the prayer intercessor for missionaries all over the world while she remained in her cloister in a little corner of Europe. I often think of my aspirations to emulate her as a major part of prayer being such a major event in my Born Again life.
Never doubt the need for prayer and the need for FAITH when you pray and if you know that you are doing both - PRAYING BELIEVING - then never doubt the Lord has answered whether you know it, see it, feel it or whether anything changes or not. My debt seems to be going on forever, but still my heart and peace within say that God has always been answering my prayer about it as HE wills not as I do. I trust Him completely in this and for every other prayer I utter for every other person and thing and I always will.
God bless anyone who may read this and know I have said a prayer for you today. God bless you and protect you and grant you whatever your heart's need and help for whatever life's burden may be and may you know He is holding you close in His embrace - so close His heart is beating in rythym with your own.
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
The Hard Part
Well I was looking forward to being at our prayer meeting tonight - and here I sit stranded without a car. We are a need three car family with two cars and I thought both of my girls would be home by this time for sure. Obviously I'm wrong. I know my daughter said she would be late but I thought my granddaughter would certainly be home from work in time to go - but maybe she said her hours of work today were 11-7 and prayer meeting was to begin at 7.
As always I am not upset with my daughters at all - they had no idea I was wanting or planning to go to church for prayer tonight. No, needless to state it is our Dear Lord with whom I am upset - God forgive me of even daring to be so. He is so used to it by now I doubt He even notices anymore.
It is just - well - I thought/think it is a good thing to want to go to church to pray. I think it is a good thing to want to go to church every Sunday and do Bible Studies all the time. Thank goodness He lets me do that on Wednesday mornings. I am working now most Sundays so have been missing church far longer than I want to remember. Again, I am upset with Him since He is the one who has sort of made us think we are "supposed" to go to church. So why has He allowed circumstances in my life to require me to work and even worse made the only job I could find require me to work on Weekends? Why - yes I ask and then I ask again - Why? And to want to go to prayer tonight - why has He allowed both cars to still be gone and the clock has just passed 7PM - why?
Of course, I ask myself now why do I really want to go to church an pray - and dare I have pride or "pat myself on the shoulder" when I do get to go? I ask that because my comment to my daughter when I get home is always the same,
"The Pastor invites his whole church to come and pray and the same usual 50-60 (out of 700 Sunday attendees) show up every time."
So I am sitting here not only feeling sorry for myself, but also pondering - my own pride in wanting to go and be seen as "one of the faithful" ones. I think to be a faithful servant and a Christian who truly walks a walk of life before men is a good thing, but I also have to be very careful that it does not slip me up and makes me want the notice of the world rather than the recognition from God. I do so long to hear those words one day, "Come thou good and faithful servant."
But I must be careful not to let that be lost among my human flesh of what she or he (especially my church leaders) will think of me when they see me show up. My granddaughter just drove up so I am going to go ahead and rush onto church a little late but still able to be there. I will have to ponder my possible pride later.
As always I am not upset with my daughters at all - they had no idea I was wanting or planning to go to church for prayer tonight. No, needless to state it is our Dear Lord with whom I am upset - God forgive me of even daring to be so. He is so used to it by now I doubt He even notices anymore.
It is just - well - I thought/think it is a good thing to want to go to church to pray. I think it is a good thing to want to go to church every Sunday and do Bible Studies all the time. Thank goodness He lets me do that on Wednesday mornings. I am working now most Sundays so have been missing church far longer than I want to remember. Again, I am upset with Him since He is the one who has sort of made us think we are "supposed" to go to church. So why has He allowed circumstances in my life to require me to work and even worse made the only job I could find require me to work on Weekends? Why - yes I ask and then I ask again - Why? And to want to go to prayer tonight - why has He allowed both cars to still be gone and the clock has just passed 7PM - why?
Of course, I ask myself now why do I really want to go to church an pray - and dare I have pride or "pat myself on the shoulder" when I do get to go? I ask that because my comment to my daughter when I get home is always the same,
"The Pastor invites his whole church to come and pray and the same usual 50-60 (out of 700 Sunday attendees) show up every time."
So I am sitting here not only feeling sorry for myself, but also pondering - my own pride in wanting to go and be seen as "one of the faithful" ones. I think to be a faithful servant and a Christian who truly walks a walk of life before men is a good thing, but I also have to be very careful that it does not slip me up and makes me want the notice of the world rather than the recognition from God. I do so long to hear those words one day, "Come thou good and faithful servant."
But I must be careful not to let that be lost among my human flesh of what she or he (especially my church leaders) will think of me when they see me show up. My granddaughter just drove up so I am going to go ahead and rush onto church a little late but still able to be there. I will have to ponder my possible pride later.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
God's Precious Peace
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
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I am almost 40 years old as a Born Again Christian and have read through the Bible many times and verses of it - well in this case "heaven really is the only one that knows". I believe and have experienced its TRUTH not only intellectually but also emotionally many times. But it is still a marvel when we find some verses literally jump off the page or go so deep down into our heart, mind and soul that we are overcome and too grateful to ever be able to put into words.
This verse above is one of those that I would say I have only experienced a very few times. Perhaps I am so blessed in my life that times of needing it don't seem that evident - though I am not sure about that. But this I know - about that financial fiasco I shared - and the prayer I decided I needed to pray must have pleased the Lord.
I decided to always pray for a miracle as I have done and always will do as long as I do live in debt and suffer the consequences thereof. I have been granted that miracle of being debt free by God's unbelievably sweet mercy many many times. We are back to finally confessing and admitting for me to be in debt is my besetting sin - He should have only bailed me out once and I should have heeded the sacred word's admonition on it the first time I read it. (Romans 13:8) I walked away from many other sins in my life why in the world NOT this one.
Anyway - not a reason in the world He should bail me out again and maybe this time He won't since He did not when it came to all the other debt I finally settled. Still I am a believer in "asking for the moon - you might just get it" and I have many times over.
My other coveted prayers were very simply to find out what they might do so that it does not have to be an "albatross" hanging around my neck forever. The other prayer that it not be my every waking thought. And that is where the verse above comes in and God's most gracious and marvelous answer has been given. I am not thinking about it hardly at all and not worried about it absolutely NOT AT ALL. And His peace is what wakes me up each morning and carries me through each day.
I still practice my testimony in case He does grant a miracle so that I can share it with my church and you all too. I realize that my miracle could be two things not just one - I wrote a letter to the Collection Company asking them for total mercy - the whole debt wiped clean and settled or to accept what I can afford to give each month. I think they probably throw such letters away - but I realized that the second miracle could wonderfully be even better than my debt going away is what if the person who reads the letter to know it goes in the trash were to consider someone who even asks and says it is for "the honor and glory of God" if they do consider it. Maybe it will peak their interest into a faith that even takes the time to write a Collection company. Wow - if it were to find an open heart seeking for answers and it helped them take a step towards true faith in Christ and Christ alone - well - that would be the MIRACLE OF ALL MIRACLES and far more worth any other.
So if you want to pray with me as some of you have said you are then lets storm the heavens for that answer.
Friday, May 29, 2015
JUST IMAGINE
Imagine having just finished paying a 5-year payout for over $15,000 in debt and so looking forward to being $415 richer each month. Consider how rich you will feel since you have spent those last 5 years with usually $30 or less left each month for the last three weeks because you give your daughter (with whom you live) $300 towards the rent, $415 for the debt, tithe when you can, pay insurance quarterly, and beg from relatives, friends or borrow back money from your daughter or your granddaughter who seems to keep a lot of cash in her "Piggy(hippo) Bank for gas for the car ordare you say you want to eat out or bring in some fun food.
Now imagine in the same week you see that LAST payment debited out of your account, you get a summons from the sheriff''s office that states you are being sued for a $19,900 debt that was sold to a collection agency by the bank that worked out your consolidation of all their debt (you thought) 5 years ago.
I don't have to imagine since that is exactly what has happened to me. I am going to have to ask forgiveness not only for my true "besetting sin" of even being in debt in the first place and for every time I have paid it off before have fallen right back into it not once but twice and even now have two more credit cards maxed out and this makes it the 4th and 5th time. I am obviously a very slow learner and as much as I desire before God my Father and Christ my Savior to be truly repentant which if I really was would mean that I would never have fallen again - so I am still asking forgiveness and knowing I am truly forgiven - but I am more than honestly willing to let God's will be done in it and truly believe and know with all my heart that His word says He chastises us because He loves us - so if He so wills for my chastisement to last forever and my consequence to go on until I die then I want to be able to say Yes Lord and Your will not mine be done.
I say that because at the age of 72 not having been able to find a full-time job since I lost the last one 10 years ago - there is not going to be any $19,900 pay out and so far the lawyers representing the collection company have told me they will not settle for a payment that I can afford and still have something more in the bank each month than $11.
I am in the waiting period right now because I have made a written appeal to the Funding company to give God all the honor and glory in granting a miracle of a forgiven debt or at least to mercifully agree to accept what I can pay. I told them if they would not allow anymore interest to accrue and agreed to let me pay them $150 a month for five years, which I believe I will live to see that they at least will get $9,000. I feel - well I know that they probably bought the debt note for 10-20% what it was worth at the time so they will still be making a bundle off me. They also - themselves - has sent me offers of a 70% settlement of $6400 manay times but they wanted it within three weeks and then and now and truly forever unless I won the lottery which I do NOT believe in buying - would I ever see that much money.
Of course, we are back to my belief in my loving Father, who owns the "cattle on a thousand hills" and who truly "owns" it all to grant me a miracle - I keep looking for "a fish with a gold coin in its mouth". Knowing and believing that He can do anything, but am also truly content and at perfect peace if He wants me to have to pay forever.
Right now the hard part is that I don't know what He is going to decide or what the lawyers or going to do or even if Midland reads my letter of appeal for mercy - so right now all i ask is that my friends pray I will not have to let it be my every waking thought and so far their prayers are being answered. I am enjoying my days and doing all that I am supposed to do and life is going on as usual.
The Lord blesses me at every turn - every devotional piece I read or my Bible reading just where I am at that day will say something that warms my heart and encourages my hope and strengthens my faith. In truth, when you have to face these life time challenges and struggles having Faith in the One True God and having a Savior and Friend like Jesus and the Holy Spirit to dwell within every minute of every day - well somehow that makes it all look different, feel better and seem to be okay no matter what.
I will admit I went through about 4 days of a devastating, desperate time of disappointment, depression and that old financial debt feeling of DROWNING, but the Lord has already mercifully brought me through that.
I am hoping to be doing more writing these days and especially more faithful to my blog. If you all are pray warriors than I covet prayers for my mind to be free of the situation but alive and rejoicing with my life and its many blessings. God bless all who may notice or read this blog.
Now imagine in the same week you see that LAST payment debited out of your account, you get a summons from the sheriff''s office that states you are being sued for a $19,900 debt that was sold to a collection agency by the bank that worked out your consolidation of all their debt (you thought) 5 years ago.
I don't have to imagine since that is exactly what has happened to me. I am going to have to ask forgiveness not only for my true "besetting sin" of even being in debt in the first place and for every time I have paid it off before have fallen right back into it not once but twice and even now have two more credit cards maxed out and this makes it the 4th and 5th time. I am obviously a very slow learner and as much as I desire before God my Father and Christ my Savior to be truly repentant which if I really was would mean that I would never have fallen again - so I am still asking forgiveness and knowing I am truly forgiven - but I am more than honestly willing to let God's will be done in it and truly believe and know with all my heart that His word says He chastises us because He loves us - so if He so wills for my chastisement to last forever and my consequence to go on until I die then I want to be able to say Yes Lord and Your will not mine be done.
I say that because at the age of 72 not having been able to find a full-time job since I lost the last one 10 years ago - there is not going to be any $19,900 pay out and so far the lawyers representing the collection company have told me they will not settle for a payment that I can afford and still have something more in the bank each month than $11.
I am in the waiting period right now because I have made a written appeal to the Funding company to give God all the honor and glory in granting a miracle of a forgiven debt or at least to mercifully agree to accept what I can pay. I told them if they would not allow anymore interest to accrue and agreed to let me pay them $150 a month for five years, which I believe I will live to see that they at least will get $9,000. I feel - well I know that they probably bought the debt note for 10-20% what it was worth at the time so they will still be making a bundle off me. They also - themselves - has sent me offers of a 70% settlement of $6400 manay times but they wanted it within three weeks and then and now and truly forever unless I won the lottery which I do NOT believe in buying - would I ever see that much money.
Of course, we are back to my belief in my loving Father, who owns the "cattle on a thousand hills" and who truly "owns" it all to grant me a miracle - I keep looking for "a fish with a gold coin in its mouth". Knowing and believing that He can do anything, but am also truly content and at perfect peace if He wants me to have to pay forever.
Right now the hard part is that I don't know what He is going to decide or what the lawyers or going to do or even if Midland reads my letter of appeal for mercy - so right now all i ask is that my friends pray I will not have to let it be my every waking thought and so far their prayers are being answered. I am enjoying my days and doing all that I am supposed to do and life is going on as usual.
The Lord blesses me at every turn - every devotional piece I read or my Bible reading just where I am at that day will say something that warms my heart and encourages my hope and strengthens my faith. In truth, when you have to face these life time challenges and struggles having Faith in the One True God and having a Savior and Friend like Jesus and the Holy Spirit to dwell within every minute of every day - well somehow that makes it all look different, feel better and seem to be okay no matter what.
I will admit I went through about 4 days of a devastating, desperate time of disappointment, depression and that old financial debt feeling of DROWNING, but the Lord has already mercifully brought me through that.
I am hoping to be doing more writing these days and especially more faithful to my blog. If you all are pray warriors than I covet prayers for my mind to be free of the situation but alive and rejoicing with my life and its many blessings. God bless all who may notice or read this blog.
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