A very short time before my dear Mama passed away, she asked me to read a phrase in one of her prayers. She began her day ended her days on her knees by her bedside until she died at 88. The phrase stated something like "when you have finished the work you were meant to do, then I will bring you home and you will have sweet rest."
"Annalou", she asked, what do you think I am supposed to do, since He has not let me go yet?"
Needless to say, I hadn't a clue. "Well, Mama, you have been a very successful wife, mother, friend, thespian, leader in your own circle of influence - all of these things. And at 88, I don't know that there is much else you were 'meant to do' that you haven't done."
"Then why hasn't He taken me home?" Of course, to that I could honestly say "maybe because He knows your children are not ready to be here without you."
But I am going through the same sort of thinking lately. I just have a sense of what should I really be doing every day? And I have always wanted to have found something that defined me and could have earned a living for me that would not have left me destitute in these twilight years. I did not finish college because I foolishly thought at the time, "I don't know what I want to do, but I know I do NOT want to teach." Years later, after I became a Born Again Christian, I began teaching Sunday School classes to 6th grade girls and as I became more of a student of the Word, Bible Studies to the adult ladies and found that the gift God had given me was teaching. I also have been writing ever since my elementary school days and know that I am also a gifted writer by His perfect design. Yet I never got published enough to really claim that for myself and since I did not finish college when the time came and as a single parent I had to work forever I was already in a secretarial mode and so it goes.
Since I am still having to work - I am still wishing writing would earn enough - it doesn't - not enough writing - but I am going to pursue more - still that doesn't actually answer my restlessness or convince me that I have happened upon the real purpose our Sovereign God, who as Ephesians 2:10 states: "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto goodworks, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them."
And if it is meant to be more writing then I am really needing a miracle of a new and equipped computer since this one is slowly dying and it is God's most mercifully, lovingkindness that keeps reviving it for me so that I can continue to do what needs to be done.
But I will pray pray pray and possibly fast fast fast in hopes the Dear Lord will reveal all to me and I will have a sense of knowing as I now hope and pray and trust at the end of each day, I am doing exactly what I am supposed to do and that He is pleased with and in it all.
