With regard to my birth year and measuring my life that way - 75 to be exact - it has been a rough go since August 14th. I was not sure what was in store and then just feeling totally out of sync or as my friend "Adrian Monk" said just "not up to snuff - gotta be snuff." Yessiree I wanted and still want to be definitely snuff.
But it started with a real sense of emptiness and did not get better but worse. I called it the "Dark Night of the Soul" as St. John of the Cross once wrote about - only his led him into a mystic state of closeness to Christ - mine just seemed like an "old" age crisis. It wasn't bad enough to call it a psychological breakdown and I wasn't foolish enough to run off to Las Vegas or go in debt and buy a much coveted Honda CRV. I just went into myself or a nowheresville.
Then I got a winter cold that was horrific and lasted way too long. Am ever grateful to my Doctor who asked on the phone if there was a fever and if not then it was not the flu don't bother with an office visit and a copay (I can never afford in my budget) but she called in my prescription and I was good to go. Well it took a few weeks rather than days but the best part of being sick is getting well so needless to say I am fit as a fiddle and feeling really good these days.
Have some more typical old age things but not going to boredomville with any of that. I come back to my blog just to say that to find my way back is still a slow ongoing process, but I am on board for whatever it unfolds and however long it takes.
I always have God, my loving Abba, in my corner and Jesus, my beloved Lord and Savior, who never forsakes or leaves me even for a second. I still can handle the impossible by truth that says "with God all things are possible."
It is still hard to figure out what I need or should do or whether to do what I want to do each day so I am just being very patient and allowing myself to figure it out or to be all right when I don't.
