Imagine having just finished paying a 5-year payout for over $15,000 in debt and so looking forward to being $415 richer each month. Consider how rich you will feel since you have spent those last 5 years with usually $30 or less left each month for the last three weeks because you give your daughter (with whom you live) $300 towards the rent, $415 for the debt, tithe when you can, pay insurance quarterly, and beg from relatives, friends or borrow back money from your daughter or your granddaughter who seems to keep a lot of cash in her "Piggy(hippo) Bank for gas for the car ordare you say you want to eat out or bring in some fun food.
Now imagine in the same week you see that LAST payment debited out of your account, you get a summons from the sheriff''s office that states you are being sued for a $19,900 debt that was sold to a collection agency by the bank that worked out your consolidation of all their debt (you thought) 5 years ago.
I don't have to imagine since that is exactly what has happened to me. I am going to have to ask forgiveness not only for my true "besetting sin" of even being in debt in the first place and for every time I have paid it off before have fallen right back into it not once but twice and even now have two more credit cards maxed out and this makes it the 4th and 5th time. I am obviously a very slow learner and as much as I desire before God my Father and Christ my Savior to be truly repentant which if I really was would mean that I would never have fallen again - so I am still asking forgiveness and knowing I am truly forgiven - but I am more than honestly willing to let God's will be done in it and truly believe and know with all my heart that His word says He chastises us because He loves us - so if He so wills for my chastisement to last forever and my consequence to go on until I die then I want to be able to say Yes Lord and Your will not mine be done.
I say that because at the age of 72 not having been able to find a full-time job since I lost the last one 10 years ago - there is not going to be any $19,900 pay out and so far the lawyers representing the collection company have told me they will not settle for a payment that I can afford and still have something more in the bank each month than $11.
I am in the waiting period right now because I have made a written appeal to the Funding company to give God all the honor and glory in granting a miracle of a forgiven debt or at least to mercifully agree to accept what I can pay. I told them if they would not allow anymore interest to accrue and agreed to let me pay them $150 a month for five years, which I believe I will live to see that they at least will get $9,000. I feel - well I know that they probably bought the debt note for 10-20% what it was worth at the time so they will still be making a bundle off me. They also - themselves - has sent me offers of a 70% settlement of $6400 manay times but they wanted it within three weeks and then and now and truly forever unless I won the lottery which I do NOT believe in buying - would I ever see that much money.
Of course, we are back to my belief in my loving Father, who owns the "cattle on a thousand hills" and who truly "owns" it all to grant me a miracle - I keep looking for "a fish with a gold coin in its mouth". Knowing and believing that He can do anything, but am also truly content and at perfect peace if He wants me to have to pay forever.
Right now the hard part is that I don't know what He is going to decide or what the lawyers or going to do or even if Midland reads my letter of appeal for mercy - so right now all i ask is that my friends pray I will not have to let it be my every waking thought and so far their prayers are being answered. I am enjoying my days and doing all that I am supposed to do and life is going on as usual.
The Lord blesses me at every turn - every devotional piece I read or my Bible reading just where I am at that day will say something that warms my heart and encourages my hope and strengthens my faith. In truth, when you have to face these life time challenges and struggles having Faith in the One True God and having a Savior and Friend like Jesus and the Holy Spirit to dwell within every minute of every day - well somehow that makes it all look different, feel better and seem to be okay no matter what.
I will admit I went through about 4 days of a devastating, desperate time of disappointment, depression and that old financial debt feeling of DROWNING, but the Lord has already mercifully brought me through that.
I am hoping to be doing more writing these days and especially more faithful to my blog. If you all are pray warriors than I covet prayers for my mind to be free of the situation but alive and rejoicing with my life and its many blessings. God bless all who may notice or read this blog.
