The Hard Part

Well I was looking forward to being at our prayer meeting tonight - and here I sit stranded without a car.  We are a need three car family with two cars and I thought both of my girls would be home by this time for sure.  Obviously I'm wrong.  I know my daughter said she would be late but I thought my granddaughter would certainly be home from work in time to go - but maybe she said her hours of work today were 11-7 and prayer meeting was to begin at 7.

As always I am not upset with my daughters at all - they had no idea I was wanting or planning to go to church for prayer tonight.  No, needless to state it is our Dear Lord with whom I am upset - God forgive me of even daring to be so.  He is so used to it by now I doubt He even notices anymore.

It is just - well - I thought/think it is a good thing to want to go to church to pray.  I think it is a good thing to want to go to church every Sunday and do Bible Studies all the time.  Thank goodness He lets me do that on Wednesday mornings.  I am working now most Sundays so have been missing church far longer than I want to remember.  Again, I am upset with Him since He is the one who has sort of made us think we are "supposed" to go to church.  So why has He allowed circumstances in my life to require me to work and even worse made the only job I could find require me to work on Weekends?  Why - yes I ask and then I ask again - Why?  And to want to go to prayer tonight - why has He allowed both cars to still be gone and the clock has just passed 7PM - why?

Of course, I ask myself now why do I really want to go to church an pray - and dare I have pride or "pat myself on the shoulder" when I do get to go?  I ask that because my comment to my daughter when I get home is always the same,

"The Pastor invites his whole church to come and pray and the same usual 50-60 (out of 700 Sunday attendees) show up every time."

So I am sitting here not only feeling sorry for myself, but also pondering - my own pride in wanting to go and be seen as "one of the faithful" ones.  I think to be a faithful servant and a Christian who truly walks a walk of life before men is a good thing, but I also have to be very careful that it does not slip me up and makes me want the notice of the world rather than the recognition from God.  I do so long to hear those words one day, "Come thou good and faithful servant."

But I must be careful not to let that be lost among my human flesh of what she or he (especially my church leaders) will think of me when they see me show up.  My granddaughter just drove up so I am going to go ahead and rush onto church a little late but still able to be there.  I will have to ponder my possible pride later.