What's Defeating Whom?

I call this blog, "Defeating Old Age" thinking that I will write about the wonderful and many ways I am doing just that.  And for a moment in time, I thought I was doing just that.  Then my 75th year arrived with its aches, pains,  total exhaustion, bursitis or so they diagnosed and an overall feeling of "what's the use" of any of it?

I'd like to write that it all worked out and by the end of the year it was back to my feeling great, strong and spry.  Not at all-just the opposite.  My new 76th year has begun even worse than the last.  Obviously it can't be "bursitis" is I still have the same aches over a year later in spite of shots or meds and the fact that now my right leg is just as bad as the left.  In addition, I now have to deal with a c-pak with oxygen, swollen left ankle and my blood pressure rising for no apparent reason.  I've taken the same med to keep it regular for over 30 years, so it is a mystery as to why it now is high and getting higher all the time.

Apart from not knowing any good reasons for any of it yet,  I seem to be beginning a year as  defeating as the last. UGH, double UGH!

Now, I must agree with my Dear Lord and His precious Word that we are to rejoice and be grateful in all things and even though I determine to do so. He knows as I do too, I'm not.  I pray the words wanting to believe I am obediently meaning them, but He can see my heart, my mind and real feelings about it all.  I am miserable and hate every minute of every painful step I take.

So I spend the rest of the day begging His forgiveness knowing that I have it even before I ask.  And just as every morning of last year, so it goes this year, as long as He chooses to wake me each day, then I will get up, dress and do whatever is on my schedule to do and accomplish.

I determine - at least - if I cannot be truly grateful or rejoicing that I must not complain, whine or fret about any of it to anyone.  I've only shared it here to state that for this moment in time I am NOT "defeating old age."  But, again, as long as the Dear Lord wants to give me another day in time then I am determined and pray believing if not for His merciful healing of it all inside and out, then for His strength sufficient and grace abundant to make me triumphant in it all.