JUST IMAGINE

Imagine having just finished paying a 5-year payout for over $15,000 in debt and so looking forward to being $415 richer each month.  Consider how rich you will feel since you have spent those last 5 years with usually $30 or less left each month for the last three weeks because you give your daughter (with whom you live) $300 towards the rent, $415 for the debt, tithe when you can, pay insurance quarterly, and beg from relatives, friends or borrow back money from your daughter or your granddaughter who seems to keep a lot of cash in her "Piggy(hippo) Bank for gas for the car ordare you say you want to eat out or bring in some fun food.

Now imagine in the same week you see that LAST payment debited out of your account, you get a summons from the sheriff''s office that states you are being sued for a $19,900 debt that was sold to a collection agency by the bank that worked out your consolidation of all their debt (you thought) 5 years ago.

I don't have to imagine since that is exactly what has happened to me.  I am going to have to ask forgiveness not only for my true "besetting sin" of even being in debt in the first place and for every time I have paid it off before have fallen right back into it not once but twice and even now have two more credit cards maxed out and this makes it the 4th and 5th time.  I am obviously a very slow learner and as much as I desire before God my Father and Christ my Savior to be truly repentant which if I really was would mean that I would never have fallen again -  so I am still asking forgiveness and knowing I am truly forgiven - but I am more than honestly willing to let God's will be done in it and truly believe and know with all my heart that His word says He chastises us because He loves us - so if He so wills for my chastisement to last forever and my consequence to go on until I die then I want to be able to say Yes Lord and Your will not mine be done.

I say that because at the age of 72 not having been able to find a full-time job since I lost the last one 10 years ago - there is not going to be any $19,900 pay out and so far the lawyers representing the collection company have told me they will not settle for a payment that I can afford and still have something more in the bank each month than $11.

I am in the waiting period right now because I have made a written appeal to the Funding company to give God all the honor and glory in granting a miracle of a forgiven debt or at least to mercifully agree to accept what I can pay.  I told them if they would not allow anymore interest to accrue and agreed to let me pay them $150 a month for five years, which I believe I will live to see that they at least will get $9,000.  I feel - well I know that they probably bought the debt note for 10-20% what it was worth at the time so they will still be making a bundle off me.  They also - themselves - has sent me offers of a 70% settlement of $6400 manay times but they wanted it within three weeks and then and now and truly forever unless I won the lottery which I do NOT believe in buying - would I ever see that much money.

Of course, we are back to my belief in my loving Father, who owns the "cattle on a thousand hills" and who truly "owns" it all to grant me a miracle - I keep looking for "a fish with a gold coin in its mouth".  Knowing and believing that He can do anything, but am also truly content and at perfect peace if He wants me to have to pay forever.

Right now the hard part is that I don't know what He is going to decide or what the lawyers or going to do or even if Midland reads my letter of appeal for mercy - so right now all i ask is that my friends pray I will not have to let it be my every waking thought and so far their prayers are being answered.  I am enjoying my days and doing all that I am supposed to do and life is going on as usual.

The Lord blesses me at every turn - every devotional piece I read or my Bible reading just where I am at that day will say something that warms my heart and encourages my hope and strengthens my faith.  In truth, when you have to face these life time challenges and struggles having Faith in the One True God and having a Savior and Friend like Jesus and the Holy Spirit to dwell within every minute of every day - well somehow that makes it all look different, feel better and seem to be okay no matter what.

I will admit I went through about 4 days of a devastating, desperate time of disappointment, depression and that old financial debt feeling of DROWNING, but the Lord has already mercifully brought me through that.

I am hoping to be doing more writing these days and especially more faithful to my blog.  If you all are pray warriors than I covet prayers for my mind to be free of the situation but alive and rejoicing with my life and its many blessings.  God bless all who may notice or read this blog.

Oh How He Loves You and Me

How I miss old hymns and Southern Gospel songs - words come back and feed me all the time.  This past week brought the words above to life.  Not only was I upset I had to work 7 days in a row, but I had one mishap after another and felt sorrier and sorrier for myself as the week dragged on.

At one job I took the trash to the large trash can taking my eyes off my Kiosk for about one minute and when I came back and had to scan a ham for someone to buy it, realized the IPhone provided for that purpose was gone.  I was so upset I could hardly talk what's more tell my boss what had happened.  I told him I considered myself liable so that all the time I work for them which is from now till New Year's whatever I earned would pay for the lost phone.  My boss said not to worry about that but why in the world would I ever leave a $400 IPhone out for the whole world to see.  As soon as I hung up, I started asking the Lord to perform and miracle and make it all go away and let it not have happened.  Let me not have been that careless and let whoever stole it have a qualm of conscience and bring it back and on and on I went begging pleading and looking over and over again in our cabinet for it to appear like magic.  I felt the Lord's impression to look in the trash can because that is the only place I had not looked - I did not see it but just to be thorough and since it was almost empty with a few napkins and tooth picks all there was - I lifted it up and knew immediately the weight was more than those napkins.  Sure enough it was in there - it had a white backing and so it had looked just like the bottom of a clean trash bag when I put one in the can.  I had NOT been careless but very careful to keep the expensive phone in my hand the whole time - taking one full bag of trash to throw away and while putting a new trash bag in the can.  I just had not realized that I had then dropped the cell phone into the trash can at that time.  THANK YOU THANK YOU DEAR LORD.

Sort of sad point is that my boss had called to order a new one to replace it immediately so we would have it replaced and at the kiosk as fast as possible since we all clock in and out and do the beginning and ending inventory and scan any item we might sell each day.  When I told him I had tried to call him the moment I found it that same day and he would not answer he said, "well now we have a back up and now we know we may need one.  Don't worry, Annalou, it's all okay." Yes, yes it was because no matter how stupid or careless or whatever we may be - when we cry out our Dear precious Jesus and Abba Father hears our every cry and cares enough to answer.

Two days later I could not find my driver's license anywhere - again careless because my cute little purse that holds all my important cards was ruined and I had to throw it away and have not replaced it so am carrying all my cards loose.  I checked everywhere again and again and my only fear was that I had dropped it in the mess of looking for something else while getting in and out of my car each day.

Again I cried and begged and pleaded and hoped that if someone would find a drivers license they might care enough to call or return it - sure enough in the mail the next day after praying there it was.  A little sticky note simply said "found this in the parking lot."  They didn't give me any return address or did not tell me which parking lot - I am many every day - but still a "good samaritan" and I only wish they had put a return address on the envelope so I could have thanked them.  But for me it was the Lord again so caring so generous and always always taking care of me in my whatever all this is - stupidity, carelessness, stress, distractions, no matter,  Important point of it all is simply that GOD CARES and LOVES us no matter what and will always be with us in and through it all big or small.

Thanksgiving Day

Surely thankful for so many things and so much it would take pages and pages but surely most for being privileged to be a child of God, a true Christian who puts Christ first and foremost above all else in or out of this world and all its universes.  Still though finding the need to ask forgiveness almost every minute for daring to want more - more of this world to enjoy and sad to see myself so worldly tempted.  Watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade and "wanting" to go to every Broadway play they showed us or to go to New York for Christmas to see the Rockettes or this or that - I mean it's pitiful and I could go on and on - but why do I even go there at all - knowing the Dear Lord has blessed me a million times over with so many out of the world blessings and things that can't be bought or made without His power, blessing, mercy and grace.  So both thankful and begging mercy and forgiveness at the same time.  May the Dear Lord send a sense of gratitude to all.  May we think of our sweet Jehovah and our great El Elyon.

Names of God

to study the names of God has always been my most favorite thing to do.  A friend has given me a prayer book with 85 names of God - 85 - wow - and each one is more wonderful and more encouraging and more uplifting than the one before.  I mention it because I believe it is what has made these last doldrums only last a couple of days rather than weeks.  So back on top of my circumstances and loving life and the Lord as I should each day and thanking the Lord in every minute of it - I share El Emunah - The Faithful God - "your faithfulness convinces me that nothing can ever separate me from Your love.  I praise you, El Emunah, for the faithfulness that you revealed in writing and recording your Word for my instruction so that through endurance and the encouragment of your Scriptures, I might have hope,"  excerpted from PRAYING THE NAMES OF GOD by Tony Evans.

One can not stay down or in doldrums when we truly believe that God is faithful even when we are not and that He loves us even when we are unloveable.  To know and study God's Word on a daily basis or as close to that as possible is going to bring home to our hearts and mind all the TRUTH we are ever going to need to know.

Romans 8:38-39 is the source for knowing God loves us no matter what - "For I am convinced (am I really - I don't think so - certainly not when I let 'doldrums' get the best of me) that neither death, nor life (whether it's going good or bad or worse), nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created things, shall be able to separate us fromk the love of God, which is in CHRIST JESUS our LORD."

Oh that I would believe it, remember it and live it out before my circle of influence each and every day.  I pray I pray.

Under NOT Over

I hate it when I know I am struggling with my circumstances rather than at perfect peace in and in spite of them.  I never know when I am going to wake up to a "bad" day versus a "good" one.  I hate that I immediately go to self-pity or envy or wishing away a day - it is such a waste of precious time when I am in my twilight years.  I know the Lord has required me NOT to wish, want, will, wait or dare to question any of it anymore - so it is serious when I find myself in this place again.  It is to be out of sync with my most beloved Abba Father, my dear dear Lord and Savior, the lover of my soul, Jesus and without any of the Holy Spirit's power or comfort or help or healing.  Praying and staying on my knees in my mind all day long doesn't seem to change or make these stupid feelings go away either.  Yet, I have had times when I no sooner pray the prayer of mercy, forgiveness and relief and I literally feel all the doldrums just list up and away and they are gone.

I will trust that again though it is my second day of sensing things just are not the way they should be.  I know my dear family "worry" about my never remembering where I have put anything.  Once I put it down - it is GONE - and when I look for things - I NEVER find them - it is always my dear grandangel that finds them immediately.  I hate that I feel they may think it is time to put me away and yet I know they never would - but I also know that it is NOT that time and far far from it but I feel they don't agree.  It's me and my feelings that are the problem that I deal with - in truth my dear daughter and grandangels do nothing but love and respect and honor me at all times.   Well they get a little frustrated but then not as much as I already am.  I dare not say I "wish" - rather just pray and pray that this too will pass and tomorrow when I awake this feeling will be gone and a sense of HOPE and WONDER will be back and all will be well.

Sweet Stroke

one of my dearest sisters in Christ - an angel of the earth to me in my life - loved by everyone who has the privilege of knowing her - has recently faced some very harsh trials in her life.  She found out one of her sons has cancer - then she and her daughter planned a trip to see him - it meant flying, which is always a hassle for my dearest since she uses a cane and her legs are week when she has to sit and get up - and anyway - air ports are what they are - so just imagine.  Well the trip to her son went well - though I cannot even imagine the heart ache she and her daughter had to endure in that bittersweet visit to see their son/brother.

They planned the trip to have her daughter come home for her work, but put her mother on another flight - by herself - to her other son in FL to give her a week of rest and be there for Labor Day festivities when her grandson would be able to accompany her home.  All went well there too for the first few days and then my dearest had a stroke.  So she spent her next week in a rehab facility having to go through PT each day.

Anyway when I finally reached her on her cell phone she sounded wonderful and really younger and more vibrant than ever before.  There was no speech impediments, no loss of words to say or thoughts to put together and she said she was getting around very well - only diffrence was she had to graduate from a cane to a walker.  She loves the walker because it has pockets everywhere.

Once again we were just thanking and praising and rejoicing in our Dear Lord and Abba Father.  Our Jehovah Rapha who heals and our Jehovah Jireh who not only provided the walker but also a half rail for her bed which makes it so much easier for her to get up and out each morning.  I told her that the Lord loves her so much He had sent her the "sweetest stroke" I had ever known anyone to have to suffer through.  She just laughed.  Yep, my sweet friend as right as rain and as much her loving, happy, laughing angel as ever.  Rejoice I say, rejoice and again I say REJOICE!

Can, Would, Does God ever forsake us? NO

Can, Would, Does God ever Forsake us? NO

Heard about a friend who lost his house, job, a few rElatives and feels a bit "forsaken" by the Lord.  I can understand that completely even to the point of asking someone just how do we NOT feel forsaken when it all comeS down at once and then it just keeps on coming or so it seems?

My wise friend said to trust the Lord is still in control and still loves us and so all that He allows to come our way is and will be for our GOOD.  This is the truth we know and the verse we have all memorized, Romans 8:28: "We know that all things work together for good to them, who love God, to them who are called according to His purpose."    We know it - I even believe it - truly I do - but always applying it to my situation and wondering how my dear friend is going to be able to apply it to his - well it's just plain HARD.

I try not to allow my frustration and possibly anger at myself for getting into debt and losing my home and having to spend so much of my limited income to settle it away,  but because I did it to myself then I never can think the Lord asks too much.  In fact for me - obviously, His mercy is everlasting and His lovingkindness overwhelms me every day.  It might be when my dearest sister in the Lord calls to let me know she feels she should give me a little for this; little for that;   and then she helps me out here and helps me out there.  I also have my dear sister,  who responds the moment I make a need known and very generously so.

But I know there are times that we all go through what St. John of the Cross called a DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL.  I guess we just have to hold onto our faith, our memories of all the times He has made Himself known to us in a mighty way, cling to our hope and trust that just as His Word reminds us "...it will work together for good."  His good, His will not often the same as I want it to be, but to be His child, to be obedient, to trust Him completely - well there you have it - that's really our only choice in the matter.

I pray the Dear Lord embraces my friend and that all the sad/forsaken feelings are washed away by God loving embrace in a way that human words cannot even express.