Before I Die

I'm still not quite on track with writing this every Monday and really not on track with writing as I should be at all.  But not able to sleep tonight a thought of what to write about did come.

I have figured out what I want my last words or request or whatever to be right before I die.

I want everyone to pray that the Dear Lord will let me continue to pray for everyone who I pray for now and whom the Lord knows I would want to continue to pray for for all eternity or until the answers come.  They speculate that we may not do anything of our earthly  life as we know it but praying is a spiritual exercise too so hopefully that one can be a carry-over.  I can't imagine not being able to pray.

I am fascinated by how some people's epitaph's actually read on tombstones or in biographies.  I am very interested in how people die.  I see saints of the Lord versus people who only  loved the world and all that was in it experience  drastically different home-goings .

I just read where Dwight L. Moody, a great saint of the Lord, said, "Earth is receding, heaven is approaching.  God is calling me."  Who would delay leaving at that moment in time?

Winston Churchill asked that the famous and usual "Taps" be played as his funeral began then made sure to surprise everyone attending when the trumpeter played "Reveille" when it was over.  That is the military call to awake each morning.  Churchill obviously believed that death is not the end of our life, but actually the very beginning of the best part yet to come.

I'm planning on being ready willing and able, but I'm also planning on enjoying and living to the fullest every minute of every day and hopefully many many years to come.

KEEP ON KEEPING ON!

Having said I would do a blog message every Monday and having absolutely nothing to say for the past few weeks is so totally frustrating.  But this morning feeling the exact same defeated way about it -  it dawned on me.  Write it anyway.  Even if I've nothing to say, being faithful to the decision to do a blog and then writing something even if it is just plain nonsense still fulfills that decision.

I think my follow through might just be as important as if I truly had a great message to share.  There is something about taking the next step or doing the next thing on the agenda in spite of how we feel or think or even are within our heart and soul each day.  How many times in life will we be totally thrown down or punched in the gut and not know what to do or how we feel or what in the world we want to do about it. 

Well, then just do whatever it is in your life that you are supposed to do.  I am grieving right now with a couple of Moms who just miscarried and the grief is huge HUGE but they also have other children and I know in both instances they are being brave, strong, responsible and doing what they need to do each moment as it demands.  Diapers to change, food to fix, games to play and time to rest, when the babies are down, are the things that come to mind.  Doing the next thing is all that the Dear Lord looks for and is gracious enough to grant His loving arms to help us accomplish.

Life that is in tragedy as our dear hurricane victims, or in sorrow as my dear young mothers or just in a blah state of mind and daily routine like me or anyone else, the Dear Lord is hoping we are still faithful to Him, to our loved ones, to our work or ministry and we thank Him each day that it is a new day to hope and to expect great things - even miracles.  So let's just keep on keeping on.  I am and I will, but Dear Lord never leave me or make me do it alone.

DOLDRUMS

In my day we called them the "doldrums" when we were not so much depressed as just a sort of mental blah or dare I say "funk"?  How outdated is that word today?  It seems my 75th birthday gave me a sucker punch I wasn't expecting and I haven't bounced back yet.

Nothing seems to be happening.  I wanted to be faithful every Monday to a blog post and haven't had a word come to mind for two weeks.  It was August 14th and I am almost into October and can't seem to get a handle on anything.  But at this age wasted time is not an option.  God's Word says that He will redeem the years the locust has eaten (Joel 2:25).  So I am going to hope and pray that He gives me back these weeks somehow in some sort of productivity with results.

I'm wanting to find a way to earn some income writing.  My only problem is I'm NOT writing.  For me this "getting old" stuff constantly baffles me or just plain trips me up.  Either way, it can be a real challenge and an even greater frustration.

Still I know you have to agree when I say - we've only one option and that is just awake each day with hope and a positive attitude and an "I will and I can" that won't quit.  Hopefully I will take my own words to heart and today is the day that it will finally come together and happen for me.

3 WEEKS IN

I watch old shows more than new ones for reasons too many to waste time sharing.  One of the "teasers" for Monk shows him cutting off bread edges (as I also prefer) and throwing them and the bread too into the trash.  Natalie asks, "What's wrong with those?"  Monk replies, "They're not snuff.  Got to be up to snuff!"  He keeps cutting and throwing away slice after slice.

I began a new year of life 3 weeks ago and that's how I feel, "just not quite up to snuff."  I want to be SNUFF!  I want my 75th year and every year after to be more than it's or I have ever been before.  

I do not want to feel less energetic, no, rather much more vigorous as if I could run a 5K.  I don't want to succumb to something silly as Pinkeye and have to stay home for days, no, I want to feel healthy,  vibrant and blossoming like the beautiful blooms all around.

Most of all, I want to wake up, jump out of bed and begin whatever great task I have to do and accomplish it well or more than that, fantastically.  So far these days, I've been waking up wanting to turn back over and go back to sleep.  No No No.  This just can't go on.  No matter what, this has to stop!

I don't do being "ill" well.  In fact I am miserable at it and in it.  I was trying very hard to be totally surrendered and accepting of the Lord's will over mine.  I kept reminding myself that if He were to decide to ask illness or bed-ridden of me that I would be faithful and obedient and could still do - at least I hope He would allow me - my most favorite thing - PRAY!  Dear Lord, please, if you were to decide that for my years left then do at least let me continue to be a person of prayer.  People could let me know what to pray and I could stay busy doing that each day.

But I am over the Pinkeye and I am starting to feel better so the hard part is to get busy and figure out just what He wants me to do and what I should choose to do to fill my time and fulfill my purpose and continue to do His will and be His servant and live it all to the fullest - SNUFF!

Yep - I have to measure up to being SNUFF!

How Worldly Am I?

In my devotions Sunday it talked about when Jesus tells His Apostles He is leaving but not to be sad because they will see Him again.  Of course for them it meant He was going to rise from the dead and they saw Him again in a few days.  For us it means we have waited over 2000 years and He still has not come back, but we have Him with us in the Holy Spirit's indwelling so we should be joyful.

I was thinking about if He were to come this very minute and everything of my life and this world were to be over and His new earth begun.  To be absolutely honest - do I really want to say goodbye this very minute to my family, my life, my things I enjoy doing or eating or looking forward to?

I'm happy He didn't come on Friday and we got to take a delightful and well planned trip to Chattanooga, Tennessee.  We wanted to celebrate our 75th, 50th and 20th milestone birthdays together while we were together.  Karissa was in Japan and I in West Virginia when MG had her 50th in June and Karissa will be back at Princeton when she celebrates her 20th on September 22nd.  We had a marvelous time - all we could have hoped for and much more.

I'm glad I got to be alive for another eclipse and one sort of amazing since it was ONLY crossing the USA.  I enjoyed a chocolate covered HOT Krispy Kreme donut that they featured special for today and my cute granddaughter waited in line to get a dozen.

I want to be ready to die at any moment.  I want the Dear Lord to believe I do consider this a foreign land and my real home is being built up there with Him and waiting for me to come.  I hope all my loved ones will be going with me so I won't have to miss anyone ever again.  I want to be joyful in all types of tribulation, suffering and pain that my loved ones are experiencing believing that this is nothing compared to the GLORY that awaits us all.  I want to think of our lives as James told us but a "vapor" meaning no longer than the breath I just took.

But I must confess I am not always in that frame of mind.  I am not always that ready to let go of any of it and definitely not this very minute.  Obviously I must keep praying and working hard at becoming more spiritually minded.  Yes, I must and I should pray that I start NOW.  Maybe we should pray for each other.  God bless.

ANOTHER BIRTHDAY

The first day of the rest of my life - UGH - YIPPEE YEA - ugh... I know "it's better than the alternative!"  Still - I consider my birth years like the New Year - a chance to start again but at what that's my problem.  Start what?   Accomplish what?  I want to write two books that continue to sit unwritten in folders of notes and attempts and and and...

I want to finish a scrapbook of my life and the girls that sits on many shelves in many not done yet scrapbook albums with boxes of pictures here and there and heaven knows where.

There is the stamp album of 40 years that I know my kids don't want or care about, so maybe I could make a few dollars for fun money.  Then I think of getting to the box or trying to evaluate it all with catalog values or the really hard part of finding a stamp collector that still exists, who would want to buy it. Seems impossible, so needless to say that has been put off for years not months.

I do have a very blessed and abundant daily life and it never ceases to make me happy.  Went to a church meeting tonight and when someone mentioned it was my birthday, Pastor ended the meeting with everyone singing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me.  

I do want to make the remaining years the Lord has in store for me to be totally surrendered and used up by Him and Him alone and His work and His will and His plan for me NOT MY OWN.  

So in saying that then I must end with saying this - Dear Lord help me to be obedient, available, open and listening for your still quiet voice.  Simply said - Dear Lord HELP ME! Amen.

SO BORING

My dear friend commiserated lately that after 54 years of marriage having to fix one more dinner is just so boring.  It made me think about the things that I now am just too tired to care.  Still having to do it for  74 years-same old same old.  Well, it may seem funny,  but mine is brushing my teeth.

My dear mother was very careful to make sure we saw the dentist every six months and brushed every morning and night and so it goes.  Now I walk up to my sink and just stand there wishing I didn't have to do it again.

I'm better about flossing because I never did that until I moved in with my Mom at 48 and saw this 80 year old lady so faithful to floss her teeth every night.  I thought if she could have that habit then there is absolutely no excuse for me not to.  And so I began and so I do but that isn't boring yet because it hasn't been as many years.

I may have mentioned this one before, but my other annoyance is the end of a day.  I sit there in the midst of whatever I am doing or trying to finish and the clock strikes 11PM and I know it is really past time for me to be in bed.  Not only that, but I will still have to go into the kitchen and make sure the dishes are in the dishwasher and the counters and sink are clean.  Then I go to bed, have my evening devotions and sure enough the clock has already struck midnight and then some.  It is just so bothersome.  I haven't finished my day at all.  I just hate it.

Oh well, at least we get to wake up to a new day every morning.  That's a great gift and I truly am always grateful to my Dear Lord for granting it.  So off I go - can't wait to see what's in store and what new thing I will learn today.