A New Day

When I had to work 40 hour weeks all the time - Monday was a sad "back to it" kind of day.  Now that I only work part time then my days off are always this marvelous gift with all its possible surprises and miracles just waiting to happen to me.

I have been very happy to notice lately that the old cliche՜, "learn something new every day" is actually true.  I really do learn something new every day.  I get very excited over them even when they are - well others would say - "stupid" - but I jump up and down and say wow I never knew that.

Here is a great illustration - I love brown butter which means you put a pad of butter in your skillet and have to wait for it to brown.  Now if you walk away or forget you have placed that pad of butter in the skillet it will get very smoky and you will hear a screeching loud sound that almost breaks your ear drum.  Even when you stand up on a chair and push the center in it will NOT stop.  It just keeps screeching on and on and on.  It eventually stops after you open the front door and wave it back and forth thus dissipating the billows of smoke.

I thought those things were to protect us when a fire broke out on the stove or because of a candle falling over or whatever.  When I asked my friend about exchanging it for one that would not do that just because of smoke and no flames involved.  He very kindly said, "Annalou, it is called a "SMOKE" detector because it detects smoke.  It is not going off until there is no more smoke."

I am honestly telling you I learned something new.  For me I always thought it would be flames not smoke that set it off.  I promised my daughter I would NOT wander away from the kitchen when I put anything on the stove.  I've only broken my promise once so far.  I'm praying I won't again.

Getting older can be fun and knowing my mind is still interested it growing makes it a happy time too.

ONCE AGAIN

So  much for being more regular-hah!  Well again I am telling myself to do a blog every Monday before everything else, well after devotions, of course, and maybe breakfast and coffee too and ...

No, definitely before anything else so here I am.  My latest comment and sense of overcoming emotions about old age is this.  Lately it seems like time and I are in a race and time is winning out big time.  I want to ignore it or come out victorious or depend on the lesson of the tortoise and the hare - slow and steady wins the race.

Heaven knows I am SLOW so what's the problem?  Why don't I feel like the victor in it?  I definitely do not feel like I'm winning any victory in anything.  I do no accomplish all I wish to do in any given day.  I do not become more efficient, more productive, more successful or more determined to complete or even begin all those things I want to do or need to do or-on and on it goes.

What to do; what to do?  Funny I haven't thought to pray about it.  I pray about everything and I do mean everything so why have I not brought this to the Lord and begged His assistance, His wisdom, His overcoming power, His Holy Spirit comfort in it all?  Today I will do that.  Today I will follow through on the things I planned to do today.  Just today to accomplish it will help me to know I can continue to do it again tomorrow.

I won't plan to do too many things - just a few so I don't defeat myself from the get go.  So far so good.  I did my devotions.  Doing my blog.  Have a crafting idea I need to work on for a possible Christmas item I could beg my dear sweet friends to buy as gifts.  But it means I have to make it become a finished product first.  Yes, there's the problem.  Am I going to make it work or not?  Am I creative enough to pull it off?  I haven't a clue.  So far I can't quite get it to cooperate, but am going to keep on trying.  That will be enough to challenge myself with today.

If I have any followers,  then I  hope and pray you too can face whatever factors of getting older are driving you crazy and you will meet them with boldness, self-confidence and a trust that by God's grace we can and will face it all and be the victor.

AM I OLD IF I THINK I'M YOUNG AT HEART - NO!

I have decided to try to continue my living life while getting older and older blog with a new twist. First I want to be more regular. Second I want to sort of let it be my ongoing talking to "myself" which I do all the time and have as long as I can remember.  People think this odd, but in my case I have always and still am talking directly to God, my Abba Father, Jesus, my dear Lord and Savior and to the Holy Spirit that dwells within me.  I talk to Him because the Lord said He would come as our comforter and teacher and guide.  I am always needing any and all of these things on a minute by minute daily basis, therefore my talking is pretty incessant at times.

I was talking to a younger person the other day about how she doesn't understand that even though we know we are "aging" we are not "thinking" of ourselves as old.  Such as I am in my 70's and a friend who had knee surgery, hip replacement, clavicle shoulder surgery asked if I ever had any aches or pains.  And at that time I thanked the Dear Lord and said "no."  Now, just a few months later I am having this dull ache in my left leg and my left foot seems too weak to step up first.

But in spite of "feeling" old or "looking" old - which I definitely do in any mirror I happen to glance at, my mind has never "thought" of myself as aging or being old.  I can still enjoy looking at a young handsome man.  I still love the Hallmark romance movies, especially when they hold hands or kiss, because even though I have been divorced and never loved by a man,  I still adore romance, marriage, the wonder of intimacy between men and women and the whole, I believe, miracle of TRUE LOVE.

My point today is just to thank the Dear Lord for letting my old age be fairly healthy, very happy and a little independent.  It is also blessed and I mean the pouring rain showers of blessings every day.  I would love to live to see my 100th birthday if I could keep feeling this well and active and compos mentas (sound mind).  And I hope to always never ever "think" of myself as old or even getting older.  Though I don't want to ignore celebrating birthdays so that's a problem well maybe not.  I'll just enjoy them anyway.

Pondering Christmas

BLESSED BEYOND WORDS. . .

As I was listening to the over the top wonderful Christmas music Christmas Eve, listening to Pastor Jon’s poignant, spirit-filled strong witness for Christ and Christ alone; as I sat there with my daughter and granddaughter who wanted to come with me, surrounded by my other family I hold so dear at the Vine, I was overcome again and again by the unbelievable never-ending miracles of God. 

I mean just glancing around and pondering the Lord’s choice that I get to be born an American and my country is still free to do or be or say or thing anything and everything and we are not thrown in prison or tortured or even killed after we are forced  to watch our children be destroyed first.

Or when I see a sister-in-Christ like Libby Dixon whom we all know is the most loving, joyful, rejoicing, righteous Christian we will meet, overcome her handicap of deafness by being a super lip reader, and watching her not only sing a hymn but sign it at the same time and then then to notice that she is also playing the trumpet well I don’t even thing the word miracle can do it justice.

Then when we went home to celebrate our Christmas that evening and having our delicious array of favorite appetizers and seeing all our little and few special gifts under our tree of lights only, still I am drowning in the Lord’s shower of blessing upon me and mine.  

We all agreed that getting all the Christmas stuff out for two weeks was a bit much and for us it isn’t a tree and ornaments anyway and as long as we have Karissa home and Kenzie calling in on the phone, and especially when Karissa wanted to be sure we had a birthday cake for Jesus so she made and decorated it so cutely and with such love that surely this is all we need to know it is Christmas.  

When life throws a curve

What to do what to do???  Aye, that's the question.  So far I haven't found an answer.  My daughter and I thought we were already for our "empty nest" year ahead as of September 1st.  My daughter has a whole new life ahead of her to do whatever she may decide.

I am faced with "going along" for the ride as my life seemed to have done when I moved here thinking I would find a fulltime job and get my own place and my own life, but did NOT find a full income and never can afford to support myself so I am blessed to have my daughter's loving welcome last 8 years now.

I also totalled my car the second month after I moved in so I even had to use my daughter's car.  We became quite good at sharing a car four ways - two ways being teens and high school activities and after school jobs and etc.

I always get immediately and thoroughly involved in my church and the womens' ministry therein.  In fact this makes it hard for me to even want to find fulltime work.  My writing and card making also means I would be lying if I said that I am sorry I did NOT find fulltime work.  Since I do those two loves in my free time and spend two days in church related commitments and am also free to be available for women when they want discipleship or someone to listen or whatever.

So the curve that just happened and threw us to our knees not so much asking "why" - but just how in the world or what in the world will we do next.  The curve being that our landlord has put our rental home on the market and because of my daughter's work schedule, she/we will need to be moved no later that August 1st.  UGH - that is going to be here sooooooo fast.

I have a perfect solution and only wish the Dear Lord would ask me what I think or what I want.  I want some knight in shining armor with money-to-burn to want to take up the "widows" need and buy the house for us and let us keep it until we die.  He will keep an ongoing fund for all household needs like taxes, roof, insurance, any type major mishaps especially with regard to a septic tank, etc. etc. He would let it be free and clear and all we would pay are our own expenses, utilities, and stuff like that.  Once we were gone then it would revert back to his family and his heirs.

I could probably think of many other wonderful pipe dream answers if I tried but this is the one that has come to light today.

Of course, the message I do hear from the Lord loud and clear is as it has always been and will be always from now on.  "Rest"  "Wait"  and see what great things the Lord will do and has in store and give thanks for His everlasting mercy and never ending care and protection and loving presence in and around it all.

"All God's Creatures great and small..."

Went to the Georgia Acquarium this week and heard all the oohs and aahs of evolution causing all the beautiful colors or making the fish blend into their environment to save them from predators.  My heart sang instead to see the most creative artist of all time - GOD -  having designed every spot, stripe or unique design and size of every fish, starfish, turtle, sea horse, etc.  that we saw.

There were probably a thousand different types of fish, not to mention, types of penguins, sea otters and sea lions and Beluga whales and dolphins all playing and performing and my heart was just pounding away.  I was happy to see that God cares so much about His creation that He gave them a playful attitude, loving ways, lots of penguins seemed in pairs and the sea otters were playfully cuddling the whole time we stood there to watch.  It made me think of love.

On our way home we saw a magnificent sunset.  "God's in His heaven, all is right with the world."  So to speak, since we really are faced with quite a few very disturbing dramas on earth.  Still, no matter what is going on, especially in our own United States, to believe in an Almighty God, Who created it all, loves it all, sustains it all, has a plan and purpose in it all, gives me perfect peace.  Proverbs 3:5 and 6 says we are to trust Him in and for everything and not to "lean on our own understanding."  That's the most important part of those verses - we are NOT going to understand any of it.  But if, and we are supposed to trust in HIM, then it is all going to work out as He has planned and purposed from the beginning of time and therefore it is all going to be all right.

No, we can't see it or ever begin to understand and in most cases we don't want it either, but TRUTH is truth and that is that.  If we trust HIM in it then HE makes our paths straight.  HE leads us all the way.

So just as I shared yesterday about all the things I had wished to be and still at 73 not really sure just who or what I am or should be still - I do rest and do have peace in the fact that I may not know or understand - but GOD does and GOD is in control of it all, and so I don't have to worry or begroan any of it.  I do have to work on that constantly but I purpose to work against it because I know the Lord wants my unfailing faith and loving devotion every minute no matter what is going on around me.  So I pray constantly for this for me and for all of us doing our best to be His witnesses to all we meet and influence in our lives.

Still Pondering Old Age or Our Twilight Years or. . .

        More often than not lately, I have been considering all the paths I wished, wanted or desired madly for my life to take or for what I hoped I would be and all the times it has not turned out that way.
        I can go back as far as being ten years old.  My sister took me to see my first ballet.  It was the Chicago Ballet Company performing "Swan Lake."  That was it for me.  I attended ballets whenever I could, joined the New York City Ballet membership so I could go to the Dress Rehearsal on a Thursday before their opening weekend.  For years I was there when the doors opened until I moved to Dallas Texas and they didn't have their own ballet company.
       I also started taking classical ballet lessons at 12 and stayed with it until my senior year in High School.  I even made it to toe dancing, but if you saw me and my figure which is the same now, though a few (many) more pounds, but same height and build, you would understand I was reaching for a pretty distant moon at that time.  Still I dreamed of my days in the New York City Corps de Ballet.         I still covet a new pair of toe shoes or the lambs wool to cover my toes - truly I do.
       Then there was my deep deep desire to enter a cloistered convent like Saint Therese, "the Little Flower," and spend all my days and nights loving Jesus my most precious Savior.  Praying and meditating in His Word, singing praises to Him every three hours daily would have been "heaven" to me.  I was to enter September after my senior year of High School.  I wanted it so much.  I didn't hesitate, even when they said in my interview that once I walked through that heavy steel gate, I would never leave again, even to attend my family funerals.  But my mother begged me to go to one year of college before I made such a life changing decision.  I honored her wishes and thus lost my place at the convent, since they only have openings when older sisters die.  When I had applied, they had an opening, but when I did not come, they gave it to another young girl who also had that desire.        I was at a loss but kept on seeking and searching.  I became a volunteer for Catholics for Latin America and hoped to be sent there to serve, but that didn't work out either.
      I felt the Lord was telling me I would marry and having gone to an all girl high school and college, that was my first time of deciding to date.  I was really bad at it.  So when I fell madly in love with a handsome man from Texas, I moved to be near him and when he asked me to marry him, I said yes.  I look back and have to admit when he broke the engagement that I definitely knew he did not want to marry me at all.  But the heart wants what the heart wants and so when he felt so bad about breaking my heart and asked me what he could do to make up for it.  I simply said marry me and he did.
     We were divorced in less than 4 years and I was a single mom with a darling daughter and have been in serious debt ever since.  I never wanted nor was ambitions enough to want a career so I worked and didn't work at whatever jobs I could get or times I could take sabbaticals for the next 40 years of my life.  Here I am in my 70's still having to work at whatever I can do or be hired to do at this age just to try to keep the "wolf from the door."   I can always hear him though, growling away.        Debt can also make me feel like I am literally drowning.  In truth, I really am most of the time with bills that wait be paid or overdrafts at the bank because I sent a check thinking the money would stay there long enough for the check to hit.  I would say it is embarrasing to ask a grocery clerk to put back all the groceries because your debit card won't work, but when it happens so often, it becomes "hohum what's new?"
     I thought about remarriage for a few years but it never happened.  I had one proposal that came in the first year of my divorce, which was way too soon to even consider that big a step.  No one has ever looked since.  I am grateful I never feel alone and in truth because of family and friends I really never am alone unless I seek and desire the solitude time.
     I wanted to see the world, and had to give that up because the longing literally caused me pain day dreaming about it all the time.  My two main life's goals, desires, dreams or passions that I feel I have never been able to satisfy or truly experience, as I would like, are earning an income with my writing and growing more in love with Jesus and having more time to spend in quiet contemplation with Him.
    I think or blame my lack of funds as being the reason I can't make either one happen.  I can't afford to go on retreats or to buy a car that would get me to some that I might be able to afford.  I can't seem to find markets for the writing I am trying to do so I write but no income is coming.
    I am going to continue praying and pondering hoping both will help to make this time of constantly questioning what my life is meant to be with so little time left to do it lead to the answer.  I will let you know if I get one.