I want to always pray believing because scripture mentions so many times that the Lord, Jesus, said "your faith has made you well." The woman believed He could heal her by only touching His hem. She was right - immediately He felt her and turned to tell her she was healed after 18 years and spending all her resources in ways that had not worked, Finally she sought the one true source of all hope and healing. Another woman being a gentile still sought out Jesus and begged Him to cast a demon out of her daughter, but He put her off by telling her he would tend to his own first saying "...in is not good to take the childrens' bread and throw it to the dogs." But her hope and faith in Christ was too strong to be discouraged and she replied, "Yes, Lord, but even the dogs under his table will feed on the childrens' crumbs." His reply was to compliment her answer which was her invincible faith and hope to see her daughter well again. And so it was.
This is how I pray - always - at least I try - always to pray BELIEVING it is answered and it is done. The hard part for me, of course, is agreeing to let it be God's will and God's answer and if that is not always the same as I wish it to be - then to still rejoice and accept no matter what. Still I begin by praying exactly what my need or desire of my heart may be and in FAITH and HOPE eternal I look for the answer each and every day.
My debt situation is not gone - the life I want to have for my twilight years which are well upon me are not quite as I imagined - but with regard to very specific prayers and ones I pray continually God is very faithful and gracious and merciful and forgiving and wonderful to answer perfectly.
I am moved to pray not for any of the debt nonsense to go away as much as I am praying for it not to be my every waking thought.
This is the prayer He is truly answering. I really am not worried, anxious or even thinking about any of it at all. I do consider the bills at hand for the month, but must do that in order to be sure to pay them.
The time I enjoy most in my day is to be reading His Living Word or a Christian Life based book for growth or to make a card for a friend or to be talking to sisters in the Lord to encourage and to enjoy my latest Bible Study which is really a great one. Life is truly a joy and my life is richly blessed. I must always be most grateful to the Lord's lovingkindness in every second of every day.
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Thursday, June 4, 2015
Pondering Completed
When I got to church last night I did not see anyone anywhere praying - and was about to leave but wrote a note to Pastor to let him know I had come. So ponder no more - it is my pride and I do want recognition. I did remember his mentioning that we might walk the basement to pray about its reconstruction project so I decided to go downstairs and see if I heard anyone. Sure enough they were there and Pastor of course greeted me with a hug. Prayer time was as wonderfully great and a blessing as always. I also got to retrieve my note and throw it away.
I consider it not such a good thing to want men's recognition, but I also want to know and do believe that the Lord can look through as He says He does to our true heart's desire and real position on it. So I am going to trust that the gift of intercession and my TRUE TRUE desire to pray all the time and for as many loved ones and far away never even to know sisters and brothers in the Lord is a genuine gift of God and not one that He will ever take away in spite of my bouts with pride or fleshly considerations in it.
He prayed all the time for all He needed and He taught us to pray for all the right things: His kingdom come, His will be done, our daily bread, to be forgiven and to be able to forgive others, to protect us from temptation and from anything the devil plans to do to destroy, deceive or distract us in every day.
Paul prayed beautifully in all his epistles, James and Peter too. As a catholic when I was years ago, I loved St.,Theresa, the Little Flower, who was famous as the prayer intercessor for missionaries all over the world while she remained in her cloister in a little corner of Europe. I often think of my aspirations to emulate her as a major part of prayer being such a major event in my Born Again life.
Never doubt the need for prayer and the need for FAITH when you pray and if you know that you are doing both - PRAYING BELIEVING - then never doubt the Lord has answered whether you know it, see it, feel it or whether anything changes or not. My debt seems to be going on forever, but still my heart and peace within say that God has always been answering my prayer about it as HE wills not as I do. I trust Him completely in this and for every other prayer I utter for every other person and thing and I always will.
God bless anyone who may read this and know I have said a prayer for you today. God bless you and protect you and grant you whatever your heart's need and help for whatever life's burden may be and may you know He is holding you close in His embrace - so close His heart is beating in rythym with your own.
I consider it not such a good thing to want men's recognition, but I also want to know and do believe that the Lord can look through as He says He does to our true heart's desire and real position on it. So I am going to trust that the gift of intercession and my TRUE TRUE desire to pray all the time and for as many loved ones and far away never even to know sisters and brothers in the Lord is a genuine gift of God and not one that He will ever take away in spite of my bouts with pride or fleshly considerations in it.
He prayed all the time for all He needed and He taught us to pray for all the right things: His kingdom come, His will be done, our daily bread, to be forgiven and to be able to forgive others, to protect us from temptation and from anything the devil plans to do to destroy, deceive or distract us in every day.
Paul prayed beautifully in all his epistles, James and Peter too. As a catholic when I was years ago, I loved St.,Theresa, the Little Flower, who was famous as the prayer intercessor for missionaries all over the world while she remained in her cloister in a little corner of Europe. I often think of my aspirations to emulate her as a major part of prayer being such a major event in my Born Again life.
Never doubt the need for prayer and the need for FAITH when you pray and if you know that you are doing both - PRAYING BELIEVING - then never doubt the Lord has answered whether you know it, see it, feel it or whether anything changes or not. My debt seems to be going on forever, but still my heart and peace within say that God has always been answering my prayer about it as HE wills not as I do. I trust Him completely in this and for every other prayer I utter for every other person and thing and I always will.
God bless anyone who may read this and know I have said a prayer for you today. God bless you and protect you and grant you whatever your heart's need and help for whatever life's burden may be and may you know He is holding you close in His embrace - so close His heart is beating in rythym with your own.
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
The Hard Part
Well I was looking forward to being at our prayer meeting tonight - and here I sit stranded without a car. We are a need three car family with two cars and I thought both of my girls would be home by this time for sure. Obviously I'm wrong. I know my daughter said she would be late but I thought my granddaughter would certainly be home from work in time to go - but maybe she said her hours of work today were 11-7 and prayer meeting was to begin at 7.
As always I am not upset with my daughters at all - they had no idea I was wanting or planning to go to church for prayer tonight. No, needless to state it is our Dear Lord with whom I am upset - God forgive me of even daring to be so. He is so used to it by now I doubt He even notices anymore.
It is just - well - I thought/think it is a good thing to want to go to church to pray. I think it is a good thing to want to go to church every Sunday and do Bible Studies all the time. Thank goodness He lets me do that on Wednesday mornings. I am working now most Sundays so have been missing church far longer than I want to remember. Again, I am upset with Him since He is the one who has sort of made us think we are "supposed" to go to church. So why has He allowed circumstances in my life to require me to work and even worse made the only job I could find require me to work on Weekends? Why - yes I ask and then I ask again - Why? And to want to go to prayer tonight - why has He allowed both cars to still be gone and the clock has just passed 7PM - why?
Of course, I ask myself now why do I really want to go to church an pray - and dare I have pride or "pat myself on the shoulder" when I do get to go? I ask that because my comment to my daughter when I get home is always the same,
"The Pastor invites his whole church to come and pray and the same usual 50-60 (out of 700 Sunday attendees) show up every time."
So I am sitting here not only feeling sorry for myself, but also pondering - my own pride in wanting to go and be seen as "one of the faithful" ones. I think to be a faithful servant and a Christian who truly walks a walk of life before men is a good thing, but I also have to be very careful that it does not slip me up and makes me want the notice of the world rather than the recognition from God. I do so long to hear those words one day, "Come thou good and faithful servant."
But I must be careful not to let that be lost among my human flesh of what she or he (especially my church leaders) will think of me when they see me show up. My granddaughter just drove up so I am going to go ahead and rush onto church a little late but still able to be there. I will have to ponder my possible pride later.
As always I am not upset with my daughters at all - they had no idea I was wanting or planning to go to church for prayer tonight. No, needless to state it is our Dear Lord with whom I am upset - God forgive me of even daring to be so. He is so used to it by now I doubt He even notices anymore.
It is just - well - I thought/think it is a good thing to want to go to church to pray. I think it is a good thing to want to go to church every Sunday and do Bible Studies all the time. Thank goodness He lets me do that on Wednesday mornings. I am working now most Sundays so have been missing church far longer than I want to remember. Again, I am upset with Him since He is the one who has sort of made us think we are "supposed" to go to church. So why has He allowed circumstances in my life to require me to work and even worse made the only job I could find require me to work on Weekends? Why - yes I ask and then I ask again - Why? And to want to go to prayer tonight - why has He allowed both cars to still be gone and the clock has just passed 7PM - why?
Of course, I ask myself now why do I really want to go to church an pray - and dare I have pride or "pat myself on the shoulder" when I do get to go? I ask that because my comment to my daughter when I get home is always the same,
"The Pastor invites his whole church to come and pray and the same usual 50-60 (out of 700 Sunday attendees) show up every time."
So I am sitting here not only feeling sorry for myself, but also pondering - my own pride in wanting to go and be seen as "one of the faithful" ones. I think to be a faithful servant and a Christian who truly walks a walk of life before men is a good thing, but I also have to be very careful that it does not slip me up and makes me want the notice of the world rather than the recognition from God. I do so long to hear those words one day, "Come thou good and faithful servant."
But I must be careful not to let that be lost among my human flesh of what she or he (especially my church leaders) will think of me when they see me show up. My granddaughter just drove up so I am going to go ahead and rush onto church a little late but still able to be there. I will have to ponder my possible pride later.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
God's Precious Peace
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
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I am almost 40 years old as a Born Again Christian and have read through the Bible many times and verses of it - well in this case "heaven really is the only one that knows". I believe and have experienced its TRUTH not only intellectually but also emotionally many times. But it is still a marvel when we find some verses literally jump off the page or go so deep down into our heart, mind and soul that we are overcome and too grateful to ever be able to put into words.
This verse above is one of those that I would say I have only experienced a very few times. Perhaps I am so blessed in my life that times of needing it don't seem that evident - though I am not sure about that. But this I know - about that financial fiasco I shared - and the prayer I decided I needed to pray must have pleased the Lord.
I decided to always pray for a miracle as I have done and always will do as long as I do live in debt and suffer the consequences thereof. I have been granted that miracle of being debt free by God's unbelievably sweet mercy many many times. We are back to finally confessing and admitting for me to be in debt is my besetting sin - He should have only bailed me out once and I should have heeded the sacred word's admonition on it the first time I read it. (Romans 13:8) I walked away from many other sins in my life why in the world NOT this one.
Anyway - not a reason in the world He should bail me out again and maybe this time He won't since He did not when it came to all the other debt I finally settled. Still I am a believer in "asking for the moon - you might just get it" and I have many times over.
My other coveted prayers were very simply to find out what they might do so that it does not have to be an "albatross" hanging around my neck forever. The other prayer that it not be my every waking thought. And that is where the verse above comes in and God's most gracious and marvelous answer has been given. I am not thinking about it hardly at all and not worried about it absolutely NOT AT ALL. And His peace is what wakes me up each morning and carries me through each day.
I still practice my testimony in case He does grant a miracle so that I can share it with my church and you all too. I realize that my miracle could be two things not just one - I wrote a letter to the Collection Company asking them for total mercy - the whole debt wiped clean and settled or to accept what I can afford to give each month. I think they probably throw such letters away - but I realized that the second miracle could wonderfully be even better than my debt going away is what if the person who reads the letter to know it goes in the trash were to consider someone who even asks and says it is for "the honor and glory of God" if they do consider it. Maybe it will peak their interest into a faith that even takes the time to write a Collection company. Wow - if it were to find an open heart seeking for answers and it helped them take a step towards true faith in Christ and Christ alone - well - that would be the MIRACLE OF ALL MIRACLES and far more worth any other.
So if you want to pray with me as some of you have said you are then lets storm the heavens for that answer.
Friday, May 29, 2015
JUST IMAGINE
Imagine having just finished paying a 5-year payout for over $15,000 in debt and so looking forward to being $415 richer each month. Consider how rich you will feel since you have spent those last 5 years with usually $30 or less left each month for the last three weeks because you give your daughter (with whom you live) $300 towards the rent, $415 for the debt, tithe when you can, pay insurance quarterly, and beg from relatives, friends or borrow back money from your daughter or your granddaughter who seems to keep a lot of cash in her "Piggy(hippo) Bank for gas for the car ordare you say you want to eat out or bring in some fun food.
Now imagine in the same week you see that LAST payment debited out of your account, you get a summons from the sheriff''s office that states you are being sued for a $19,900 debt that was sold to a collection agency by the bank that worked out your consolidation of all their debt (you thought) 5 years ago.
I don't have to imagine since that is exactly what has happened to me. I am going to have to ask forgiveness not only for my true "besetting sin" of even being in debt in the first place and for every time I have paid it off before have fallen right back into it not once but twice and even now have two more credit cards maxed out and this makes it the 4th and 5th time. I am obviously a very slow learner and as much as I desire before God my Father and Christ my Savior to be truly repentant which if I really was would mean that I would never have fallen again - so I am still asking forgiveness and knowing I am truly forgiven - but I am more than honestly willing to let God's will be done in it and truly believe and know with all my heart that His word says He chastises us because He loves us - so if He so wills for my chastisement to last forever and my consequence to go on until I die then I want to be able to say Yes Lord and Your will not mine be done.
I say that because at the age of 72 not having been able to find a full-time job since I lost the last one 10 years ago - there is not going to be any $19,900 pay out and so far the lawyers representing the collection company have told me they will not settle for a payment that I can afford and still have something more in the bank each month than $11.
I am in the waiting period right now because I have made a written appeal to the Funding company to give God all the honor and glory in granting a miracle of a forgiven debt or at least to mercifully agree to accept what I can pay. I told them if they would not allow anymore interest to accrue and agreed to let me pay them $150 a month for five years, which I believe I will live to see that they at least will get $9,000. I feel - well I know that they probably bought the debt note for 10-20% what it was worth at the time so they will still be making a bundle off me. They also - themselves - has sent me offers of a 70% settlement of $6400 manay times but they wanted it within three weeks and then and now and truly forever unless I won the lottery which I do NOT believe in buying - would I ever see that much money.
Of course, we are back to my belief in my loving Father, who owns the "cattle on a thousand hills" and who truly "owns" it all to grant me a miracle - I keep looking for "a fish with a gold coin in its mouth". Knowing and believing that He can do anything, but am also truly content and at perfect peace if He wants me to have to pay forever.
Right now the hard part is that I don't know what He is going to decide or what the lawyers or going to do or even if Midland reads my letter of appeal for mercy - so right now all i ask is that my friends pray I will not have to let it be my every waking thought and so far their prayers are being answered. I am enjoying my days and doing all that I am supposed to do and life is going on as usual.
The Lord blesses me at every turn - every devotional piece I read or my Bible reading just where I am at that day will say something that warms my heart and encourages my hope and strengthens my faith. In truth, when you have to face these life time challenges and struggles having Faith in the One True God and having a Savior and Friend like Jesus and the Holy Spirit to dwell within every minute of every day - well somehow that makes it all look different, feel better and seem to be okay no matter what.
I will admit I went through about 4 days of a devastating, desperate time of disappointment, depression and that old financial debt feeling of DROWNING, but the Lord has already mercifully brought me through that.
I am hoping to be doing more writing these days and especially more faithful to my blog. If you all are pray warriors than I covet prayers for my mind to be free of the situation but alive and rejoicing with my life and its many blessings. God bless all who may notice or read this blog.
Now imagine in the same week you see that LAST payment debited out of your account, you get a summons from the sheriff''s office that states you are being sued for a $19,900 debt that was sold to a collection agency by the bank that worked out your consolidation of all their debt (you thought) 5 years ago.
I don't have to imagine since that is exactly what has happened to me. I am going to have to ask forgiveness not only for my true "besetting sin" of even being in debt in the first place and for every time I have paid it off before have fallen right back into it not once but twice and even now have two more credit cards maxed out and this makes it the 4th and 5th time. I am obviously a very slow learner and as much as I desire before God my Father and Christ my Savior to be truly repentant which if I really was would mean that I would never have fallen again - so I am still asking forgiveness and knowing I am truly forgiven - but I am more than honestly willing to let God's will be done in it and truly believe and know with all my heart that His word says He chastises us because He loves us - so if He so wills for my chastisement to last forever and my consequence to go on until I die then I want to be able to say Yes Lord and Your will not mine be done.
I say that because at the age of 72 not having been able to find a full-time job since I lost the last one 10 years ago - there is not going to be any $19,900 pay out and so far the lawyers representing the collection company have told me they will not settle for a payment that I can afford and still have something more in the bank each month than $11.
I am in the waiting period right now because I have made a written appeal to the Funding company to give God all the honor and glory in granting a miracle of a forgiven debt or at least to mercifully agree to accept what I can pay. I told them if they would not allow anymore interest to accrue and agreed to let me pay them $150 a month for five years, which I believe I will live to see that they at least will get $9,000. I feel - well I know that they probably bought the debt note for 10-20% what it was worth at the time so they will still be making a bundle off me. They also - themselves - has sent me offers of a 70% settlement of $6400 manay times but they wanted it within three weeks and then and now and truly forever unless I won the lottery which I do NOT believe in buying - would I ever see that much money.
Of course, we are back to my belief in my loving Father, who owns the "cattle on a thousand hills" and who truly "owns" it all to grant me a miracle - I keep looking for "a fish with a gold coin in its mouth". Knowing and believing that He can do anything, but am also truly content and at perfect peace if He wants me to have to pay forever.
Right now the hard part is that I don't know what He is going to decide or what the lawyers or going to do or even if Midland reads my letter of appeal for mercy - so right now all i ask is that my friends pray I will not have to let it be my every waking thought and so far their prayers are being answered. I am enjoying my days and doing all that I am supposed to do and life is going on as usual.
The Lord blesses me at every turn - every devotional piece I read or my Bible reading just where I am at that day will say something that warms my heart and encourages my hope and strengthens my faith. In truth, when you have to face these life time challenges and struggles having Faith in the One True God and having a Savior and Friend like Jesus and the Holy Spirit to dwell within every minute of every day - well somehow that makes it all look different, feel better and seem to be okay no matter what.
I will admit I went through about 4 days of a devastating, desperate time of disappointment, depression and that old financial debt feeling of DROWNING, but the Lord has already mercifully brought me through that.
I am hoping to be doing more writing these days and especially more faithful to my blog. If you all are pray warriors than I covet prayers for my mind to be free of the situation but alive and rejoicing with my life and its many blessings. God bless all who may notice or read this blog.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Oh How He Loves You and Me
How I miss old hymns and Southern Gospel songs - words come back and feed me all the time. This past week brought the words above to life. Not only was I upset I had to work 7 days in a row, but I had one mishap after another and felt sorrier and sorrier for myself as the week dragged on.
At one job I took the trash to the large trash can taking my eyes off my Kiosk for about one minute and when I came back and had to scan a ham for someone to buy it, realized the IPhone provided for that purpose was gone. I was so upset I could hardly talk what's more tell my boss what had happened. I told him I considered myself liable so that all the time I work for them which is from now till New Year's whatever I earned would pay for the lost phone. My boss said not to worry about that but why in the world would I ever leave a $400 IPhone out for the whole world to see. As soon as I hung up, I started asking the Lord to perform and miracle and make it all go away and let it not have happened. Let me not have been that careless and let whoever stole it have a qualm of conscience and bring it back and on and on I went begging pleading and looking over and over again in our cabinet for it to appear like magic. I felt the Lord's impression to look in the trash can because that is the only place I had not looked - I did not see it but just to be thorough and since it was almost empty with a few napkins and tooth picks all there was - I lifted it up and knew immediately the weight was more than those napkins. Sure enough it was in there - it had a white backing and so it had looked just like the bottom of a clean trash bag when I put one in the can. I had NOT been careless but very careful to keep the expensive phone in my hand the whole time - taking one full bag of trash to throw away and while putting a new trash bag in the can. I just had not realized that I had then dropped the cell phone into the trash can at that time. THANK YOU THANK YOU DEAR LORD.
Sort of sad point is that my boss had called to order a new one to replace it immediately so we would have it replaced and at the kiosk as fast as possible since we all clock in and out and do the beginning and ending inventory and scan any item we might sell each day. When I told him I had tried to call him the moment I found it that same day and he would not answer he said, "well now we have a back up and now we know we may need one. Don't worry, Annalou, it's all okay." Yes, yes it was because no matter how stupid or careless or whatever we may be - when we cry out our Dear precious Jesus and Abba Father hears our every cry and cares enough to answer.
Two days later I could not find my driver's license anywhere - again careless because my cute little purse that holds all my important cards was ruined and I had to throw it away and have not replaced it so am carrying all my cards loose. I checked everywhere again and again and my only fear was that I had dropped it in the mess of looking for something else while getting in and out of my car each day.
Again I cried and begged and pleaded and hoped that if someone would find a drivers license they might care enough to call or return it - sure enough in the mail the next day after praying there it was. A little sticky note simply said "found this in the parking lot." They didn't give me any return address or did not tell me which parking lot - I am many every day - but still a "good samaritan" and I only wish they had put a return address on the envelope so I could have thanked them. But for me it was the Lord again so caring so generous and always always taking care of me in my whatever all this is - stupidity, carelessness, stress, distractions, no matter, Important point of it all is simply that GOD CARES and LOVES us no matter what and will always be with us in and through it all big or small.
At one job I took the trash to the large trash can taking my eyes off my Kiosk for about one minute and when I came back and had to scan a ham for someone to buy it, realized the IPhone provided for that purpose was gone. I was so upset I could hardly talk what's more tell my boss what had happened. I told him I considered myself liable so that all the time I work for them which is from now till New Year's whatever I earned would pay for the lost phone. My boss said not to worry about that but why in the world would I ever leave a $400 IPhone out for the whole world to see. As soon as I hung up, I started asking the Lord to perform and miracle and make it all go away and let it not have happened. Let me not have been that careless and let whoever stole it have a qualm of conscience and bring it back and on and on I went begging pleading and looking over and over again in our cabinet for it to appear like magic. I felt the Lord's impression to look in the trash can because that is the only place I had not looked - I did not see it but just to be thorough and since it was almost empty with a few napkins and tooth picks all there was - I lifted it up and knew immediately the weight was more than those napkins. Sure enough it was in there - it had a white backing and so it had looked just like the bottom of a clean trash bag when I put one in the can. I had NOT been careless but very careful to keep the expensive phone in my hand the whole time - taking one full bag of trash to throw away and while putting a new trash bag in the can. I just had not realized that I had then dropped the cell phone into the trash can at that time. THANK YOU THANK YOU DEAR LORD.
Sort of sad point is that my boss had called to order a new one to replace it immediately so we would have it replaced and at the kiosk as fast as possible since we all clock in and out and do the beginning and ending inventory and scan any item we might sell each day. When I told him I had tried to call him the moment I found it that same day and he would not answer he said, "well now we have a back up and now we know we may need one. Don't worry, Annalou, it's all okay." Yes, yes it was because no matter how stupid or careless or whatever we may be - when we cry out our Dear precious Jesus and Abba Father hears our every cry and cares enough to answer.
Two days later I could not find my driver's license anywhere - again careless because my cute little purse that holds all my important cards was ruined and I had to throw it away and have not replaced it so am carrying all my cards loose. I checked everywhere again and again and my only fear was that I had dropped it in the mess of looking for something else while getting in and out of my car each day.
Again I cried and begged and pleaded and hoped that if someone would find a drivers license they might care enough to call or return it - sure enough in the mail the next day after praying there it was. A little sticky note simply said "found this in the parking lot." They didn't give me any return address or did not tell me which parking lot - I am many every day - but still a "good samaritan" and I only wish they had put a return address on the envelope so I could have thanked them. But for me it was the Lord again so caring so generous and always always taking care of me in my whatever all this is - stupidity, carelessness, stress, distractions, no matter, Important point of it all is simply that GOD CARES and LOVES us no matter what and will always be with us in and through it all big or small.
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Thanksgiving Day
Surely thankful for so many things and so much it would take pages and pages but surely most for being privileged to be a child of God, a true Christian who puts Christ first and foremost above all else in or out of this world and all its universes. Still though finding the need to ask forgiveness almost every minute for daring to want more - more of this world to enjoy and sad to see myself so worldly tempted. Watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade and "wanting" to go to every Broadway play they showed us or to go to New York for Christmas to see the Rockettes or this or that - I mean it's pitiful and I could go on and on - but why do I even go there at all - knowing the Dear Lord has blessed me a million times over with so many out of the world blessings and things that can't be bought or made without His power, blessing, mercy and grace. So both thankful and begging mercy and forgiveness at the same time. May the Dear Lord send a sense of gratitude to all. May we think of our sweet Jehovah and our great El Elyon.
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