LET'S KEEP TRYING ANYWAY

The end of 79 facing my 80th birthday almost defeated me, but as I named this blog "Defeating Old Age" I'm still here.  More determined than ever to spit in old age's face and get on with living a full, happy and exciting life.  

I determine to try to learn something new each day.  It can be a definition of a word or something in this wondrous techno age we are in or a news flash that teaches me something I wasn't aware of before.  An example is why the two banks CRASHED and the fact that deposits are insured by the FDIC up to $250,000 who knew so much.  Not enough for those small businesses, which is sad, but still much more than I would ever need to be protected when the doors lock against me.

So far in both my birth new year and this 2023 new year, I am way behind or should I say negligent in achieving my goals or hopes or anything to be brutally honest.  Still I wake up each day and determine to try and I look forward to every Monday to give me the opportunity.  I want to punish myself for being such a failure, but I am way too merciful and loving to do so.  I just determine again and again and begin each Monday and week and hope and pray something good will come.  This is my new start this week - a little late since it is already Wednesday but still I am doing this to prove I will keep on trying and trying until I make something come out of it.  God bless.

HEAVY AND HARD

I woke up this morning and when I reached for my ACT mouthwash it felt so heavy I could hardly lift it.  It dawned on me that one of the most annoying things about getting old is all the heavy and hard stuff.  I have to ask my daughter to put away the gallon bottles of distilled water and carry the heavy bags of groceries from the car.  I definitely have to ask her to please open almost any and all bottles, jars, packages etc.  

I carry scissors with me in every purse because I can't even tear open my cough or coffee nip drops.  I have to cut them open everytime.  I have a very blessed life with very little drama or sad times, but I imagine there are many old folks who even consider their daily lives as "heavy and hard/"

Watching our children and our grands have a hard trial to endure can be "hard."  Feeling stress burdened  with concern and wishing only happiness for them can feel "heavy." Yep, getting old is definitely filled with heavy and hard times and things.

I guess all we can do since we definitely want to keep getting older is just live with it.  I want to celebrate my 100th birthday, which  means twenty years of things probably getting heavier and harder all the time.  So I am going to tell myself every morning to just get out of bed and determine to face it, do it and battle on with a happy, thankful heart.  So far its going pretty well so I'll keep hoping it continues and maybe even gets a little lighter and easier.  A positive and hopeful spirit will be the key.

CORONA VIRUS SAYS IT ALL!

In my old age I have been more of a house mouse than in my younger years.  I like  to be at home.  I love to read, watch TV, knit, make hand-made cards, do jigsaw puzzles...  I could go on but you get the idea.  But mandated to stay home, seeing my regular haunts: restaurants, theatres, library, parks, etc. closed-that is entirely different.

All of a sudden I don't want to stay home at all.  My daughter, whose job is an online job which keeps her at the computer from 8AM till 6 or 7PM said the same thing.  It was fine when her work kept her "housebound" but now all she thinks about is NOT being able to go somewhere. For us, to be very honest, it's really not being able to go out to eat.
 
Still, I think it is important for the sake of all of us to be able to be on our best behavior.  A smile and kind consideration for our loved ones stuck inside with us and for everyone else when we do go to the store for groceries.  A smile can really help those who are feeling "under" these circumstances and a confident hope that the ending will come can encourage those who can't see that.

As a Christian I think everything that happens on this earth is easier to face.  We don't understand most of it any better than the next person,  but we do, or we should, have a better acceptance and courage to live each day in it.

Certainly looking to the day when we will have all come through it together, looking back, is the best way to overcome any fear or depression it may want to cause in addition to the micro-organism that is wreaking all the havoc.

I know words are not going to make it easy or even help people to feel victorious, but sharing positive thoughts and giving away some of our strength of resolve to endure can't hurt.  So I pray you all lift your head high, hug your family in your homes and look for that day believing and totally hopeful the end is coming.

LIVING LIFE

To live life is hard enough in old age, but when it is life itself that distracts us from that, it is even more difficult.  More months have passed than I was aware since my last blog.  I  realize that I made a New Year "resolution" to begin them again and here we are already in March.

Hopefully I am back on track and will do a blog each week from now on or whenever a notion to share comes to mind.  I am thinking about all the circumstances that have led to this hiatus. 

I guess the biggest one is the move.  I have had to move five times in ten years and that is a super and challenging feat in your 70's.  I will blame that on my putting all writing aside and won't even mention the super duper WRITER'S BLOCK.

To be financially stressed and definitely strapped as I am with a low social security as  my only income and living with my devoted and wonderfully indulgent daughter, who too lives on a minimal salary for a very hard and demanding job, makes us both vulnerable and formidable.

The move caused us to have to  make two major decisions: move where we could afford to live; second decision to buy instead of renting.  We had no choice about the first one.  My daughter could only afford $1000 or less a month.  Forsyth county where we lived in Cumming, GA had nothing with 2-bedrooms for less than $1200 and up.  In searching for under a $1000 it took us at least two hours or more away from that county.

The second decision to buy caused us to look in every direction to find a place.  After much exhaustion and many many places both to rent or buy we set out for buying.  My daughter, who would be owner, wanted it to be a newly built home.  This decision led us to the delightful town of Rome, GA where they were building new homes "from $100's" rather than the "$300's" everywhere else.

Then began the depressing thoughts of leaving behind the life we had enjoyed for ten years.  It was not that hard for my daughter.  Her job was all consuming and only required her to stay in the state of GA.  It was sad for me, because my life revolved around my church family and ministry at a very spirit filled  and loving church. 

Packing was easy, because many of my dear sisters in Christ helped us pack all our things.  The going to a new place was also okay, because both my daughter and I love a new beginning.  A chance to start out on a new venture is a very enjoyable challenge for us both.

So here we are enjoying Rome and all its southern history,  cultural experiences and a quiet college town atmosphere.  After Cumming where they break ground, bulldozing to build new multi-home (sizes of small hotels) residential sites seemingly every week, to a place where you "turn right on red" no matter the intersection because there is hardly ever any cars coming is a most refreshing change.

We have also found another spirit filled and loving church and I am praying the Lord will set my ministry of service there in His own timing, way and will.  But getting older still continues to be difficult.   We are vulnerable to be in God's will no matter what He may ask and formidable to do it and look back on the move and see no matter how hard it seemed, here we are safe and sound in our cozy, little brand new home.

"SUNDAY'S COMIN'"

A well known famous sermon, by Tony Evans, is about the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  He sermonizes then ends every thought with "it's Friday, but Sunday's comin'!"  I'm a movie buff and a visual learner so Christian movies speak very loud to me.  I was looking for one of my favorites of all, BEN HUR, not only the movie, but also the book.  I can still recall the moment, when I was in my finding "old" books mode, which I had to give up when I told everyone, myself included, no more gifts or purchases if it has to be dusted or kept.

I opened an old worn out copy of BEN HUR and noticed for the first time the title page states:  BEN HUR then down below, "A tale of the Christ."  What?  I was dumbfounded.  I could remember every phase of the story that transformed my life in one way or another, but that the whole book was about Christ.  Missed that fact completely!  The reason why I wanted to watch the movie again is because it was Good Friday and the crucifixion scene in that movie always moves me to tears and a serious consideration of just what Jesus has done for me and my sin.

It is still not available any place except to rent - that says volumes right there.  I try not to pay since so many movies are available to us for free.  Anyway another movie that also has moved me in reference to Christ and how important He is to me and I wish was to the whole world is RISEN.  I am always very moved by this movie, so I bought it.  Now I can watch it whenever I need a reminder of just how marvelous Jesus actually is. 

The lead actor, Joseph Fiennes, as the Roman Centurion, makes me feel and see everything he experiences.  When he sees the RISEN Christ in that movie, well if we could travel in time, that is one place and moment I want to be.  It is to believe that because He lives, not only will we also live but it is to know we will live with Christ for all eternity.

First we are to be amazed by the truth that our God is a living God who never dies.  We do not have to worship at a place He might have been buried or a temple that bears his image.  We just have to look into our hearts and souls and believe without a shadow of a doubt that He is with us through His Holy Spirit all the time. 

Second, we have to know that we have been saved through faith as the Word tells us in Acts 16:31 "And they said believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved, and your house."  Also the Word tells us again in Romans 10:9 "...that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead you will be saved."

Third, we are to know we repent of our sins and know they are forgiven and pray to stay repentant from that day forward.

Fourth, we need to be grateful for this truth and this life and live it out for others speaking the good news in anyway we can.

I can only wish you all are as blessed as I am to be in a church that truly worships in praises and celebration that the Lord is living and real and the only one to follow.

God bless hoping you have a kingdom filled day.

LIFE IS CHANGE - BOY IS IT!

I've decided that I am not defeating old age as much as it is wearing me down.  This ache or that pain and yet another specialist to see.  This is not only time consuming but taking money I do not have.  Still I face each day with a hope that never fails me.  Loving the way God says it in His precious Word: Lamentations 3:22-24"The Lord's loving kindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.  The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I have hope in Him."

I decided to just keep on going and handle each challenge, pain, illness or whatever as it comes.  I awake each morning with a determination and a prayer trusting the Lord is with me through it all.   I have great expectations and live very full, busy days.  I fall into bed exhausted at night pleased that I have done all that was expected of me.  I hate the hours going by too fast and running out of day long before I am finished with what I had wanted or was enjoying doing when the clock strikes 11PM or midnight.

I think being busy is a great deterrent to getting or feeling old.  Deciding to keep on doing our daily chores i.e. laundry, cooking, cleaning, changing sheets - ugh - to that, reading, writing, spending time with friends, going to Bible Study and church - I could go on and on - are all helps to thinking ourselves young in spite of emotions or feelings telling us something different.

Just reading what I'm writing is making me feel younger already.  It is definitely that old saying, "Mind over matter, if you don't mind, it doesn't matter." (Charles Lyell) Wishing you all a fresh new look on your life and a great week.

2nd BRIGHTEST FULLEST MOON

I get very excited about full moons.  Not quite sure but it is a time of wonder as one of the Creator's most awesome designs or scientific fact that it goes around and we turn and it does this or that at different times over the months or year.

2019 is going to have three - three - extra bright moons in it.  I didn't know the one in January was actually brighter than usual.  But now I know about this month so I have set two alarms to remind me to go outside and watch it on Tuesday night (19th).   It is called a Super Snow moon - even that makes it sound so exotic - doesn't it?

My granddaughter is in Panama country studying in the rain forest and her pictures of ants and bees are not at all like the ones we see here in the US.  She sent a video of leaves moving along the ground in a bunch and there were ants underneath transporting them to a particular place where they need to be.  How people cannot believe in a Creator above us all who can think of such things as ants not only working together in a group but knowing exactly what to do and where to go.

She is studying a particular bee for her paper.  It is a 3-inch gorgeous iridescent green color.  A color that only a Master Designer could ever create.

I am rejoicing in my life these days because I am feeling better each day and believing, no matter what, my good feelings are going to continue and defeat any bad or physical problems that may happen.

I continue to wish a money tree would grow in my yard to take care of the constantly frustrating need for it, but I dare not worry since the Dear Lord admonishes us to look at sparrows and lilies and see how well He has taken care of them.  Surely He loves us even more than those, so I trust in His loving kindness knowing full well He will provide.

I don't "need" money to bask in the beauty of the 2nd brightest moon this year or in an insect whose color outshines - literally - any color on any painter's palette.

No, there is just way too much to be grateful for and to enjoy in this whole wide world so that is the choice I make.

"God's in His heaven; all's right with the world." Robert Browning

What is Defeating Whom?

I call my blog "Defeating old age" because I thought I might when I began this blog.  But time changes all things including that. At the moment I definitely feel that old age is defeating me.  I want to stay positive and strong and healthy.  I want to defeat a winter cold in less than 4 or 5 weeks which it will soon be.

I fear old age is out ahead right now - can't smell or taste, nose still running, cough still wheezing.  But one way to get back in the running is to very simply never give up, never lose hope and never stop believing that "this too will pass."

Another way is to remember all I have to do is just get up if the Dear Lord wakes me each morning and grants me another day.  The next thing I must do is get out of bed, make it, and start in on the day's chores and expectations and be ready for all the wonderful surprises the Good Lord brings my way.

There are days when He doesn't bring me anything new or wonderful, just the same old routine.  But even in that if I sit down and consider all that my life holds, I can weep.  I have so much to be grateful for in the most boring day of all.  It will still be in a home with my daughter who loves and honors me so.  It will still be a place that keeps me warm if I'm cold, cool if I'm hot and a refrigerator and cabinets filled with food if I'm hungry.  I will still have things to write, emails to answer, books to read, a favorite TV show to watch or a card to make, painting to paint, jigsaw puzzle to finish or start. I could go on and on really.  Life is just so full and rich no matter what.

When I saw the movie, "Slumdog Millionnaire", it struck me how people live the life they are given.  It certainly wasn't their choice to be born in the slums of India but the two brothers in the movie lived that life and survived, well at least one did.  It made me consider if we believe in an Almighty God who is the Creator of all living things, as I do, well it all fits into His glorious plans.

We will never understand why an Incomprehensible God actually makes the choices He makes in our lives, maybe one day we will.  In the meantime, I always thank the Dear Lord for where in the world and time and family He chose to let me born.

The life we have is the one uniquely designed for us and part of it, sad to say, is aging and now that it has happened to me in more ways than I could have anticipated, I must deal.  Defeating old age is going to be a constant decision to never give in or out and do whatever it takes.  So that is exactly what I am going to do.

ANOTHER YEAR GONE

Well we begin a new year 2019 and even though my 76th is no different yet - my hope in it all is that it will be.  I am convicted NOT to beg merciful Jehovah Rapha to come and heal it all - even though I do, of course - but rather pray over and over again each day, "Dear Lord, grant me grace sufficient to accept and surrender totally to it all.  And to rejoice in each new day."

Pain is my krypton and I'm a real wimp about it which means whatever aches I may be bemoaning, they are very little compared to the real harsh pain others live with all the time.

Joni Earickson Tada has a BEYOND SUFFERING BIBLE that the Lord led me to buy when it first came out.  It definitely can put me  in my place when I need it.  It is also most encouraging and informative about why there is suffering in this world.

I do know this and believe fervently that each day the Lord wakes me up is the day I must do all I can to please Him and to serve Him.  In my life this will mean being there for my loved family and friends and doing whatever I can to encourage and comfort and enjoy any time spent for and with them.

I pray that 2019 is a wonderful year for us all and that we have many surprises and adventures in store.

What's Defeating Whom?

I call this blog, "Defeating Old Age" thinking that I will write about the wonderful and many ways I am doing just that.  And for a moment in time, I thought I was doing just that.  Then my 75th year arrived with its aches, pains,  total exhaustion, bursitis or so they diagnosed and an overall feeling of "what's the use" of any of it?

I'd like to write that it all worked out and by the end of the year it was back to my feeling great, strong and spry.  Not at all-just the opposite.  My new 76th year has begun even worse than the last.  Obviously it can't be "bursitis" is I still have the same aches over a year later in spite of shots or meds and the fact that now my right leg is just as bad as the left.  In addition, I now have to deal with a c-pak with oxygen, swollen left ankle and my blood pressure rising for no apparent reason.  I've taken the same med to keep it regular for over 30 years, so it is a mystery as to why it now is high and getting higher all the time.

Apart from not knowing any good reasons for any of it yet,  I seem to be beginning a year as  defeating as the last. UGH, double UGH!

Now, I must agree with my Dear Lord and His precious Word that we are to rejoice and be grateful in all things and even though I determine to do so. He knows as I do too, I'm not.  I pray the words wanting to believe I am obediently meaning them, but He can see my heart, my mind and real feelings about it all.  I am miserable and hate every minute of every painful step I take.

So I spend the rest of the day begging His forgiveness knowing that I have it even before I ask.  And just as every morning of last year, so it goes this year, as long as He chooses to wake me each day, then I will get up, dress and do whatever is on my schedule to do and accomplish.

I determine - at least - if I cannot be truly grateful or rejoicing that I must not complain, whine or fret about any of it to anyone.  I've only shared it here to state that for this moment in time I am NOT "defeating old age."  But, again, as long as the Dear Lord wants to give me another day in time then I am determined and pray believing if not for His merciful healing of it all inside and out, then for His strength sufficient and grace abundant to make me triumphant in it all.

One More Tick of the Clock

I was considering that my grandchildren really have no idea of what "clicking" clocks are, except perhaps as historic memorabilia.  They have no idea of "ringing in the New Year" with Guy Lombardo nor do they have any attraction or recognition of that type of music.  I was listening to Frank Sinatra one day and my granddaughter's remark was "Grandma, what are you listening to, he can't even sing!" 

As life keeps on going we see some changes that are better than before - I actually like digital clocks rather than annoying ticking keeping  me awake.  I like the idea of solar energy rather than the mess of cords that are all around my bed especially with the addition of all the C-pak paraphenalia. The list is long, but my real concern for this blog is about old age aches and pains.

My 75th year was such a physical disaster that I could not wait for it to end and I would throw it out with the trash and never look back.  I hoped and planned on Tuesday, August 14th to awake to a brand new feeling of energy and happiness to be alive and ready for anything.

Alas it is not so.  My 76th year has begun and offered me so far a new set of concerns.  Not only do I have to try to adjust to a C-Pak - they say you do - but I won't believe it until it actually happens.  Now it is very hard to sleep, it hurts, not breathing through my mouth is almost an all night stay awake forcing my lips to stay shut impossibility, the tubing is falling in my face - it goes on and on.  But I also have my left leg joint pain in my right leg too now and it seems to be much worse as the night goes on and it burns down into the feet.  It also hurts to walk or bend down to lift things.

To top that all off for some reason after 30 years of normal blood pressure readings on the same dose med, my blood pressure is very high and getting higher every day.  We are trying a new med to see if it helps.

So, of course, I have been bemoaning all this to the Lord trying to explain to Him that I do not do well if He asks physical trials of me. I've managed the financially strapped one pretty well for the last 50 years and remained totally trusting and strong in my faith.  When my dear daughter went through some very hard trials of her own, I also felt Him near encouraging me that she and I would both survive and be the better for it all.  It is just pain that seems to do me in.

This morning as I stood up from bed, pain beginning, I grumbled all the way to the bathroom.  Then as I leaned down to pick something up, the pain worsened, but I realized very clearly I was not supposed to be grumbling or complaining about it at all.  I was supposed to be thanking the Dear Lord and rejoicing in all that He is asking of me every minute of every day.  And so I determined then and now to do this.  With every ache or high blood pressure reading I am going to thank the Dear Lord and rejoice in all of it believing that His purpose is good and when or if He wants me to know or understand any of it, He will reveal it in time and if not then I will just accept, surrender and be glad.

I just love it when I know the Lord and I are in tune with one another.  Lo and behold I sit down to this morning's devotion and which psalm do I read but Psalm 136 :1

O give thanks unto the LORD; 
for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever. (KJV)

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever. (ESV)

Both translations are wonderful and make my point perfectly.  So I am going to pray, hope and remain grateful every day of my "new" year of life,  and in spite of aches or ailments I will be faithfully rejoicing at all times.

TIMES SEEM TO WHIZZ BY FASTER AND FASTER

With regard to my birth year and measuring my life that way - 75 to be exact - it has been a rough go since August 14th.  I was not sure what was in store and then just feeling totally out of sync or as my friend "Adrian Monk" said just "not up to snuff - gotta be snuff."  Yessiree I wanted and still want to be definitely snuff.

But it started with a real sense of emptiness and did not get better but worse.  I called it the "Dark Night of the Soul" as St. John of the Cross once wrote about - only his led him into a mystic state of closeness to Christ - mine just seemed like an "old" age crisis.  It wasn't bad enough to call it a psychological breakdown and I wasn't foolish enough to run off to Las Vegas or go in debt and buy a much coveted Honda CRV.  I just went into myself or a nowheresville.

Then I got a winter cold that was horrific and lasted way too long.  Am ever grateful to my Doctor who asked on the phone if there was a fever and if not then it was not the flu don't bother with an office visit and a copay (I can never afford in my budget) but she called in my prescription and I was good to go.  Well it took a few weeks rather than days but the best part of being sick is getting well so needless to say I am fit as a fiddle and feeling really good these days.

Have some more typical old age things but not going to boredomville with any of that.  I come back to my blog just to say that to find my way back is still a slow ongoing process, but I am on board for whatever it unfolds and however long it takes.

I always have God, my loving Abba, in my corner and Jesus, my beloved Lord and Savior, who never forsakes or leaves me even for a second.  I still can handle the impossible by truth that says "with God all things are possible."

It is still hard to figure out what I need or should do or whether to do what I want to do each day so I am just being very patient and allowing myself to figure it out or to be all right when I don't.

THUS BEGINS A NEW YEAR

It is a wonderful thing - a new slate - a new day dawns - a new year begins and so far we haven't done anything to mess it up or waste a minute or throw away a whole day.  Okay - great - now what?

I definitely know the Dear Lord wants me to change even more in the "letting go" of wishes and wants and silly things that come to mind and make me yearn and waste time.

I definitely know that my dear Savior and Lord wants me to seek out His will for all that I do and to choose that over my own every time.

I am going to start off the year praying about everything - big decisions, little decisions, what to do each day for the kingdom, for the Lord, for others, for me or family or just fun, but still pray about it all.

I'm going to try to discipline to do less rather than more in any area and hope that helps me to maybe accomplish more rather than not accomplish anything at all.

My DAILY BREAD on Dec. 30th helped and blessed me when it said that even in our things we did NOT complete in the past year that "God is always at work in and through us."  And it reminded me to thank the Dear Lord for it all finished or not - and to trust that He used me anyway whether I saw it or thought it or not.

So I begin my New Year with hope and peace and total trust in my sovereign God, the Father, my beloved Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ and my dear comforter and helper, the Holy Spirit.

THE END OF YET ANOTHER YEAR

It's not as if us old folks can afford these endings when they come as fast they seem to be coming now.  I would hold back the clock if I could or add many more hours to each day just in case I would finish all the tasks I want to accomplish.

Of course, I'm the drawback since a book isn't going to get published if I don's sit down and write.  A family life scrapbook or books are not going to be finished if I don't get out the pictures and start organizing the pages to set up - I do have sort of an excuse of no place to leave things out and not a whole lot of room on a smaller dining room table and two TV trays.  Still it sounds like excuses to me.

Opening my  dark chocolate - Dove - and reading the cute sayings they have inside each one it says "find comfort and joy in chocolate."  I will admit that there are days when this would actually work for me.  I am an emotional eater and chocolate is definitely my main "go to" yet God forgive me if I actually think or believe for a moment that joy and/or comfort is actually going to come from a sweet bite of yummy chocolate.

Joy especially - not being happy - but true joy within that reaches down to our toes and up through our minds - only one place it can or will ever come from - God, our Abba Father AND Jesus, my beloved.

Comfort is only from above and we know for a fact that the only one who can and does bring it to us is  His  Holy Spirit, my TRUE COMFORTER.

Let us all look forward during the next week as we head on in to the next year of our old lives to the Lord's blessings and grace sufficient and His presence at all times just keeps on coming as it always has.

HEAVEN Do I really want to go?

Don't know if it is about getting older or just being curious but books on Heaven seem to draw me more and more these days or years.  Just finished A BETTER COUNTRY  "Preparing for Heaven" by Dan Schaeffer.  Great thoughts and questions and answers about it all.  Maybe even too many and too much to actually digest all at one reading.

Towards the end he talks about who goes and who does not go and the whys and wherefores of that.  I believe, as a Christian, and student of God's Word, that there is only one way - a narrow way - and that is by faith in Jesus Christ and His grace through His death and resurrection that can and does get us there.

Again my old favorite, C. S. Lewis stated it wisely well.  "There are only two kinds of people in the end, those who say to God 'Thy will be done' and those to whom God says...'Thy will be done.'  All that are in hell chose it.  Without that self-choice (free will) there could be no hell.  No soul that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it.  Those who seek find.  To those who knock it is opened."

In Revelation when it foretells of all the horrific things that will come upon the world wreaking havoc and destruction it says more than once "and still they did NOT repent."  Free will allows us the choice to refuse to believe or go to heaven.  I never forgot a TWILIGHT ZONE featuring a "ne're-do-well" villain who killed without mercy or reason, used women for his own amusement only, drank, gambled and seemed to enjoy every minute.  One night he got shot and when he woke up a dapper gentleman told him that he was there to take care of his wound, which healed immediately, and providing him with whatever he asked.  Needless to say - true to form - he had women, money, gambling until he tired of it all.  In his exhaustion he asked his gentleman provider why such a man who lived the life he lived could have ever deserved to be let in the doors of heaven.  The ending of that particular show still rings loud and clear.  "Why my dear man, whatever made you think you went there, not at all.  You are in the other place."  With only seconds left you could see in his eyes the realization of what an eternity of getting what we want would actually be.

So again I say I'm happy to be a firm believer in CHRIST ALONE as the reason why we get to go to heaven rather than to be on our own and making the selfish choices we would make without Him.

C S Lewis

Some people think he is hard to read and all his books seem text booky.  I guess, because my first to read was SCREWTAPE LETTERS, that I saw his humor,  great deduction of and possible ways of looking at all the various philosophies and worldly ways hitting us every day, it was easy for him to be one of my favorite of all Christian authors.

I am reading THE BUSINESS OF HEAVEN right now and as always I am fascinated by his take on thinking ways of man.  Lewis told of an old man who said he had no need of religion per se for he knew there was a God.  He had "felt" him alone in the desert at night.  Lewis' retort was "Now in a sense I quite agreed with that man."  He went on to say he believed he probably had an encounter with God.  But Lewis went on to expound on how we can "feel" something as we stand at the ocean's edge, and when we look at a map or book of pictures of it, we certainly will "feel" less.

The fun of Lewis is he goes on and leads us further into it.  A navigational chart or the "theology" of the ocean put in a book or an Atlas may not cause the same feeling as being at the ocean's edge with the water washing over our feet.  But if we ever want that ocean to take us somewhere we are going to need the map.

I almost cry every time I read Romans 1 when it tells of the creation of God and how He meant it to reveal HIMSELF to us.  And then the verse that almost causes me to weep, Romans 1:20 "...they will be without excuse..."  As simple as that - you may believe in God - the devils believe and tremble but if we do not desire to learn and grow more knowledgeable of Him in a church or the Bible or prayer or fellowship with other Christians more mature who can lead us forward into it, then we do or know nothing more.  It is just NOT enough. C.S Lewis is great at making us think!

NAMES

Finally something dawned.  Been thinking about the meaning of names and how important that can be.  Our minister of music has a daughter they named Selah.  I asked if he thought she would grow up loving it or hating having to always spell or explain it.  He said they have told her from the beginning that it is in Psalms in the Bible meaning to pause and consider the Glory of God.  He said she is already very comfortable with being able to speak about its message for all who care to ask.

Now that is a most purposeful name -it is always going to bring up the most important subject of all - God's glory. 

Our family likes keeping old family names going so we have a lot of last names as our childrens' first names.  My daughter is Mary Gentry (Gentry was my father's mother's maiden name and also means to the manner born or of good heritage).  Her daughters' names are Mckenzie, which means "the fair one" or "born of fire".  She didn't turn out to be a total red head like her Mom but she was a strawberry blond for most of her childhood years.  She is definitely fair of skin. Karissa means -with a "k" love and grace and with a "c" that everyone said it "should have been spelled" means beloved one.  They are both Greek in origin and both suit our Karissa just fine.

My own name took on its true meaning once I began my new life in Christ - Anna is Hebrew and means grace and so I am now full of grace thanks to the Dear Lord.  I was also named Louise after a great aunt.  That is of German origin and means a great warrior.  I am not much of a fighter though I don't mind an argument or two that can go on forever but I like to think that maybe it means I can and hopefully will stand up and fight for what I believe.  I pray for my persecuted sisters and brothers all over the world and just wonder could I even begin to stand firm and faithful at the point of a gun or a machete being swung in my face.  I pray so, hope so want to be able to and maybe since that's the name God knew would be chosen it was His way of making sure I will.

Hopefully you have a name you love and live up to and it positively affirms who you are each day.

AT THE END

I'm fascinated by people's dying words.  I just came across a quote of Leonardo DaVinci that said:
" I have offended mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have."  Can you imagine?  If he did not reach his idea of "quality" mine is sadly lacking in whatever it should be. 

I do not thing I'm very artistic or even creative for that matter because I have had to seek out an image - can't draw a straight line or cut one either - and am using techniques in every facet of my work that someone else thought of way before me.  Still I know my cards please the receivers and therefore I do place a high "quality" to them because of that.

I imagine DaVinci, like poor Van Gogh,  and many others may not have lived to see what their work became hundreds of years later.  Poor Van Gogh would not have even comprehended what four million dollars for one painting even meant.  I am not sure, but I do not think they had that much money in one place at that time to even know its value. 

Still I could weep to think that any artist or even person, for that matter,  would have to die thinking  they had offended mankind because they did not delivered something of higher quality.  Perhaps he was a perfectionist and that defeated him.  Still he was a visionary in so many areas.  Could he not see that?

We come back to my own possible last words.  My father's repeated phrase to us girls was "I have made you jack of all trades but master of none."  And so did he see himself in the same light.  I have to admit it does defeat me at times because it has certainly become a self-fulfilled prophecy in my life.

As I have been sharing in this new 75th year - I've still to get on the ball and make it happen.  I still have not done whatever I need to do to know I am "up to snuff."  But Dear God please do not let me offend anyone or even disappoint them at all.  Please oh please let me finally get my ducks in a row for this year and for many more to come.  I will keep on until I do.

If you haven't noticed the Energizer Bunny ads lately they are too cute and for me very inspiring.  I will just keep going for as long as my battery lasts.  Thank you Lord it is an energizer called the Holy Spirit and He's excellent at it and I know lasts forever.

Before I Die

I'm still not quite on track with writing this every Monday and really not on track with writing as I should be at all.  But not able to sleep tonight a thought of what to write about did come.

I have figured out what I want my last words or request or whatever to be right before I die.

I want everyone to pray that the Dear Lord will let me continue to pray for everyone who I pray for now and whom the Lord knows I would want to continue to pray for for all eternity or until the answers come.  They speculate that we may not do anything of our earthly  life as we know it but praying is a spiritual exercise too so hopefully that one can be a carry-over.  I can't imagine not being able to pray.

I am fascinated by how some people's epitaph's actually read on tombstones or in biographies.  I am very interested in how people die.  I see saints of the Lord versus people who only  loved the world and all that was in it experience  drastically different home-goings .

I just read where Dwight L. Moody, a great saint of the Lord, said, "Earth is receding, heaven is approaching.  God is calling me."  Who would delay leaving at that moment in time?

Winston Churchill asked that the famous and usual "Taps" be played as his funeral began then made sure to surprise everyone attending when the trumpeter played "Reveille" when it was over.  That is the military call to awake each morning.  Churchill obviously believed that death is not the end of our life, but actually the very beginning of the best part yet to come.

I'm planning on being ready willing and able, but I'm also planning on enjoying and living to the fullest every minute of every day and hopefully many many years to come.